I think i have this. It started in my childhood. After the first sexual abuse and I think i know what triggered it off.

When i was nine I was trapped in a car on fire, i can still remember it vividly and still have nightmares and flashbacks about it. my school nurse at the time wrote this letter. Have edited out some names.

Dear Dr Titcomb

Mrs P is asking for some help with Natasha who is showing anxious behaviour following an incident on June 18th, when a car being driven by her mother developed a fire in the engine. Natasha and her brother were passengers in the back of the car and had to be pulled out by a neighbour.

They were not hurt in any way but as the car was not theirs they were unfamiliar with the door locks and there does appear to have been some element of panic in getting them out. Following this even Natasha has shown increasing levels of anxiety; she had previously been a child who needed more than the average amount of reassurance, but is now experiencing nightmares about fires, and has been reluctant to get into cars. Her mother says she sees fire when she sees sunlight or flashes of yellow colour and this causes her to cry and run away from the image. School report that she has been upset there, and has needed reassurance.

C appears unaffected by the incident, at the time he talked and wrote about it at school but now no longer mentions it.
I saw Natasha at home; she related the experience in the car, remembering everyones words and actions in detail. She then told me of another minor car accident she had been in years ago, talked of other accidents she had heard of that had involved people she knows. Whilst we were talking she looked up and expressed anxiety about the safety of the kitchen ceiling (in need of minor decoration only) she said she felt it might fall down. She says she will not sleep in her own room as the base of the light (the bulb?) makes her think of fire. She now sleeps in C's room and is much happier.

Natasha is an articulate little girl; she was encouraged by her father to write and draw about the incident and says that this has helped her. Her mother at first insisted she sleep in her own room, feeling this was the best way to deal with the situation, but has since realised the extent of Natashas fears and is offering her support and understanding, which Natasha needs. I have tried to reassure Natasha that it is quite reasonable to be upset by such an occurrence, but that she will get over this and that bother parents will support her.

Mr and Mrs P separated two years; the children see their father alternate weekends. The parents have had some problems handling the situation and they are using The Hampshire Family Concilliation Service. Mrs P did have another partner who now longer has contact with the family and has not been around for the last six months. Both parents are naturally anxious to help Natasha at this time and I have emphasised to mother the need for reassurance for Natasha and the importance of joint parental support. I have not seen Mr P recently but will be sending him a copy of this referral.

I hope you will be able to help this family, I have arranged to see Natasha weekly during the school holidays until you can send an appointment.

Yours sincerely
Sue Daniels

I am going to be trying to get hold of all my health records from when i was a child particluary ones that talk about my mental health. I am unsure if i was referred to CAMHS as a child but i think even if i was my mother wouldnt have allowed me to be seen by them in fear that i might have said what she was doing to me, plus the stigma of mental health.

I also believe I have PTSD resulting from the bullying and sexual abuse i went through in my teens. It would make what i am going through at the moment alot clearer and understandable, plus it is also very treatable. Im going to be showing this letter to my psychiatrist and telling him the same thing as i have written here.