Maybe I mean I feel like screaming. (Been on DS for maybe 12 yrs. Haven't posted in forever.)
My therapist triggered me really badly last week. (Don't criticize her please. I know why she did it.) It was an accident. Not about bringing up the topic, but because the timing was very bad. I've been freaking out ever since. That empty, numb feeling. Surreal almost. I feel lost. I feel like I should be able to just brush this off. I feel like I'm being dramatic and childish and immature and I need to just stop. I'm not obsessing over the thing from last week anymore. I've blocked it off again. The wall has lost some rocks but it still stands.
Today she said my needs exceed her training. I can still see her, but she thinks I should see somebody for some therapy called EMDR.
I feel like a failure. I failed at therapy. I didn't "apply myself." I feel abandoned. Intellectually, I know she hasn't; I know I didn't. The feeling persists.
I want to stop crying right now. I want to go to sleep. I want to want to do something.
I don't want to be alone. I'm so very alone. I feel so scared.
Go away head. Go away scary people. Go away.
Muji asked me to let his wonderful friends here know that he's had a crisis with his kidney disease and has been admitted to the hospital I know he'll miss everyone here and he could really use our prayers, good thoughts and hugs I hope that you heal quickly Muji..... You will be missed..... You are in my thoughts and prayers sweetie.....xo
It would be nice if the peace of my new home could be carried back to the old one. It has been a challenging last 24 hours & exhausting. My old place has been consistently “trigger happy” since February, so I’m not sure why I expected it to be any different with my mom visiting. It really didn’t take much to set me off within first 10 minutes of getting back to old house. Just the fact...