Maybe I mean I feel like screaming. (Been on DS for maybe 12 yrs. Haven't posted in forever.)
My therapist triggered me really badly last week. (Don't criticize her please. I know why she did it.) It was an accident. Not about bringing up the topic, but because the timing was very bad. I've been freaking out ever since. That empty, numb feeling. Surreal almost. I feel lost. I feel like I should be able to just brush this off. I feel like I'm being dramatic and childish and immature and I need to just stop. I'm not obsessing over the thing from last week anymore. I've blocked it off again. The wall has lost some rocks but it still stands.
Today she said my needs exceed her training. I can still see her, but she thinks I should see somebody for some therapy called EMDR.
I feel like a failure. I failed at therapy. I didn't "apply myself." I feel abandoned. Intellectually, I know she hasn't; I know I didn't. The feeling persists.
I want to stop crying right now. I want to go to sleep. I want to want to do something.
I don't want to be alone. I'm so very alone. I feel so scared.
Go away head. Go away scary people. Go away.
Went with my mom grocery shopping and since it was late we both decided we would get subs to take home. Since Subway was in the Walmart we were at that's what we decided on...Yay no more stops til' home!! :) :( that became a bad decision real quick :(The young man behind the counter was sarcastic from the start. My mom asked if the special that was displayed on the window still in effect...
Well yesterday I worked my ass off. Pardon my French. I was beyond exhausted. I don't know what I am going to do. I want to find another job, my dad insists that I am "not in shape" and says I should go back and work at this place. The place is Amazon. It's a fullfillment center. Very fast paced, repetitive work. Lots of going up a step ladder, reaching, grabing products counting them or picking...