Maybe I mean I feel like screaming. (Been on DS for maybe 12 yrs. Haven't posted in forever.)
My therapist triggered me really badly last week. (Don't criticize her please. I know why she did it.) It was an accident. Not about bringing up the topic, but because the timing was very bad. I've been freaking out ever since. That empty, numb feeling. Surreal almost. I feel lost. I feel like I should be able to just brush this off. I feel like I'm being dramatic and childish and immature and I need to just stop. I'm not obsessing over the thing from last week anymore. I've blocked it off again. The wall has lost some rocks but it still stands.
Today she said my needs exceed her training. I can still see her, but she thinks I should see somebody for some therapy called EMDR.
I feel like a failure. I failed at therapy. I didn't "apply myself." I feel abandoned. Intellectually, I know she hasn't; I know I didn't. The feeling persists.
I want to stop crying right now. I want to go to sleep. I want to want to do something.
I don't want to be alone. I'm so very alone. I feel so scared.
Go away head. Go away scary people. Go away.
In 2010, my therapist finally suggested that I estrange myself from my family because they've been my primary abusers since I was a little boy. The abuse started with wife beatings by my father on my mother, then spread to his beating me bloody, and eventually apparently spread to my dad's workplace, too. I was estranged from him at the time because of another of his violent...
I am 52 years old. Single, never been married, no children. I have lived outside of my home town for over 20 years. I have been employed, bought a home, a car and basically managed my life without any assistance from my parents. That is fine. They raised me well enough that I was able to get along very independently.But now, since they have retired ( they are divorced and...