ptsd is better after taking these mini trips acturally was an assignment from therapist it does help me detach I come back and feel like I am in a strange land,,, I am ready to take a huge step and make the decision to go for the new home all this just to move,,, I know I have a lot of ptsd but it does respond to some things ie detachment and recreating,, I don't have any family I rented a car with south Carolina tags LOL just to make a show of force the next door neighbor a young kid who is as nosy as his mother has seen me here 3 years no visitors,, he made a remark how many new cars do you have ms M ,,, I said I am not rich I have family staying in town big lie why??? I don't know tired of feeling lonely ,, I never had family visit when I had a huge mcmansion am I just a pathetic old lady no ,, I have severe ptsd and no matter how nice I am ,, I am weird odd different,, gay musician who is a little bit gay transgender ,, uhhhh would only share this on here I hope I don't get booted I am anything but typical even though award winning teacher now that I am retired everybody is suspicious when you offer your lessons I love teaching but I am not in that role anymore,, I dress in gym clothes unless a funeral LOL so I was odd man out all my life, I look back and my family thought I was a boy I dressed like a boy wanted to be a boy all my life,, and got into my brothers clothes nature nurture who gives a crap,,, too little too late ,, I have a good heart not a pedo,,,,, I would have been fine if I was Elton john but I am lonely and no matter how much AA or what ever it is what it is not just age I am only ok in front of a clas of children teaching or performing mot unlike a lot of my other musician friends so I am not imagining I stick out like a sore thumb every where I feel comfortable with musicians ,,,, gays other cancer survivors on here so far but God made me a bit different,,, and today that is just ok I no longer perform I am of small stature so I don't throw my weight around if you don't like me cuz I am different I will pray for you at this age it does make me stife my naturally outgoing self,,,,,, but all worked or seemed to work ok until the last trauma ,,, I have worked hard on here with your help rape survivor is the role that really took me down along with aging drama queen king LOL but all seriousness now I realize I fit in a metropolitan area ie san fran but too old and too poor to get that so make the best of it suck it up , I will go and get a new home this week,, all that to say that I feel strong because of all of you and a really good therapist,,,,, here we go,,,, oh the English gay boys liked me why not I was playing basketball in the pool and at a distance could pass for a boy LMAO,, thanks to all of you who have cheerleaded me to get this strong we are going for it all of you rock!!
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