Don't give up. People are listening and we care. Talk to us.

No wonder you are feeling the way you are...b/c you are living with your Dad, I'm assuming he was your abuser. What a trigger for you.

That was a traumatic experience for you...and still haunts you.

I know finances are probably hard for you right now...but you may feel better getting out of that house, and away from all the triggers and memories of being SA. Being there is a constant reminder, whether you realize it or not...your subconcious knows it.

Have you applied for Social Security Disability yet? If not, you might consider that.

Also, are you seeing a therapist?? That might help.

Also a good Pdoc trained in PTSD would be great benefit to help your symptoms.

It's hard to go it alone.

The blame and shame doesn't belong with you. It belongs to your abuser(s)...don't hold onto it yourself.

It's not your fault it has ruined your family. It's the abuser's fault. You were an innocent child. The abuser took your innocence, your trust.

Don't listen to a word the abuser says, he will deny everything. You know the truth and the truth will set you free.

If they are not willing to acknowledge how sick you are, then you need to set limits and boundaries for your own mental well-being.

Check out www.sidran.org for lots of info on PTSD and therapist referrals.

Also, check EMDR.com for therapist referrals. EMDR is a new technique used in trauma therapy...

Check out my two 11/3/07 Journal Entries for tons of info/weblinks on SA and PTSD.

There is Hope in Healing!

Stop that! >:-(

Okay, the feelings are *TOTALLY VALID* but it's not the truth.

I have my Geodon and Propranolol and I feel NORMAL now. If my crazy ass mom popped up I am pretty confident I could deal with her. I went through ALL this paperwork today from the people who discriminated against me. Guess what? NOT ONE TRIGGER! YAY! :) So, go bug your doc about it!

Now as far as your family, if you took an honest, objective look at who they are as human beings and who you are - as if you're all just strangers and you're evaluating as an indifferent observer, do you "really" think THEY are worth it??? Do you *really* want them to win??? And you, how awesome are you? So, you're in a rough patch, do you criticize any of us for a rough patch? Would you be upset at an abused child who wasn't able to handle being stuck in the MIDDLE of it? NO! You would have COMPASSION for that child and you would want to protect her from the bad people. So... GO PROTECT HER! She's YOU! :-p

You need to be somewhere else. Go to your doc about those meds. If you're body works anything like mine, you'll feel better in less than a week. Then, we gotta get you onto Section 8 and I don't know what all else, but you HAVE to get out of there!

So, I'll help you figure out who to call and where to go. You start with stabilizing because I can't physically be present. Then we'll get you to a safe house. We need you, not the abusers. Seriously, do you *really* want them to win?

Thanks everyone, you have helped a lot.
Shelley

i will be here to talk whenever you want ive felt the same way ive dealt with abuces for half my life if you ever need me to talk to im here if you think i dont know how you feel read my profile.

I agree with TLCDaisy that you would probably feel better getting out of that house.

I was reading over what you wrote. Without knowing more than that or the area you live in (I know it matters for services)I would say to go to a domestic violence shelter, one that offers a case worker. You need to be separated from that house and someone to help look at your situation to figure out what to do next.

All is not lost and you do not have to be there. United Way is a good place to start looking for one in your area since they fund so many non-profits. There is a place on their site to find the one nearest you (united way) then to look up organizations in your area.

Start there and dont give up. :)

Please don't give up! I was feeling the same way a couple days ago. I actually wrote a suicide note, which was actually a poem. Then, (I guess since I'm a funeral director) I decided to go ahead and write my obituary. When I finished I read over it and thought...omg there is not enough there. And the finality of it all was pretty scary too. When you are feeling so low as you are now, the only way to go is up. You can do it! I'm climbing and I know you can join me! I'm here for ya

Also Brillante is right about getting yourself stable. Talk to your doctor... She also brought up a good housing resource, section 8, I know they normally have waiting lists but if you're in shelter of some sort you are considered to be in most need for a lot of programs.

I use to be a case worker and was studing sociology while I was in school... if you need to bounce something off me just let me know. I'll try to help you the best that I can. My specialty was I worked with the homeless community and housing.

Good luck :)

please don't give up. you never know what the future will hold. it WILL get better, although it sounds so rough right now. i hope you start feeling better soon.