I'm glad you reached out here. That's a good step. I too have had trust issues/problems through the years. Therapy sure helped me alot through the years. Having someone to talk to about what was going on. I believe I learned to trust by talking things out. Getting healthy feed back. Taking some risks with friends, etc. I was so traumatized I really didn't start to make healthy friends until my 30's. About the same time I started talking about my abuse. I've had friends come and go but life changes. I cherish the ones I have now. And since coming to this site three weeks ago I've learned I can still make friends. I do not believe that you will be partially dead forever. I believe strongly that we can heal from what happened to us but at the same time you don't forget. I feel like I rambled, I hope I made some sense. Thank you for your post. I think you made a step out of the closet.

When I arrived in a new area earlier in the year I felt as if I did not know how to behave toward people. I was so completely bent out of shape by isolation in an abusive relationship that I had lost any social skills that I had ever once had.
The first step for me was finding a counsellor who I could trust and explain the difficulties I had with knowing where to set boundaries with people or being terrified of them. as my confidence grew I srarted voluntary work and recently enrolled in college. I still find people scary and hard to deal withbut have slowly made afew friends and a lot of aquaintances. I think without counselling I could never have done this. This site has helped so much too.

coming here is a good start. i wish you all the best. all strength and courage to you

i am right there on the mark with so many of your thoughts.all my life i couldnt understand why i always felt like the 5 yr. old at the glass looking in not knowing what to do or say to be apart .always walking into a room feeling like why i am i here? i use tell myselfl that it truly was every one else ,that their was nothing wrong with me,it seemed to work so well as long as i kept reinenforcing my thoughts ,it has taken its toll on my mind.

Like Tarns stated, this is the right place to come...if you want to begin making friends. I
understand looking to your community/church for support and finding nothing available. Not receiving the support tat you need from a community is bound to create a disturbing sense of trust.That has happened to me quite a few times but than god I kept looking and I found people here and a few friends to support me. You can do the same. Don't give up. The whole world is not the same. I have been in your shoes before and now I know different even when the feeling moves through me...lack of trust and feelings of separation...i see them as thoughts ad feelings but not the complete truth, more like a momentary reality...not for ever and ever.

I am sorry that folks you looked for for support wee only unable to process your story. There is a lot of that group sort of mentality in the world..no one thinking for themselves or taking on individual situations. You just need to find the right people and the right group. Thanks for posting. Pageo

I too am glad you posted this.I too as most of us do have huge trust issues.PTSD causes a wallflower behavior.Melt into the background don't make eye contact or really talk or what to meet anyone.I hardly go anywhere and when I do I am silent alot.Know that we all have been or are there now.And know that seeing some of the posts and journals that there is hope to get better.I know I am clinging to that hope too, I don't want to be alone forever.
Hugs and prayers

Your reactions are totally normal. What you are describing are simply long term effects from PTSD-feelings of alientation, shyness, avoidance behaviors, fear of trust. You wont be "partially dead" forever. Being on DS is a great start. Try getting reconnected with life- start with animals and nature. You are understandably guarded with people-especially that you reached out for help and your church told you stay with abuse.
There are many wonderful, supportive people here. DS can be a great foundation for your healing. You will have to develop discrimination who to trust and not trust in your life. I would encourage you read a book called "where to draw the line: setting boundaries in everyday life" by: anne katherine. "Healing Trauma" by peter levine is also excellent. there is a cd with exercises in the book that can help you reconnect.
Many hugs to you!!
Erika

Your reactions are totally normal. What you are describing are simply long term effects from PTSD-feelings of alientation, shyness, avoidance behaviors, fear of trust. You wont be "partially dead" forever. Being on DS is a great start. Try getting reconnected with life- start with animals and nature. You are understandably guarded with people-especially that you reached out for help and your church told you stay with abuse.
There are many wonderful, supportive people here. DS can be a great foundation for your healing. You will have to develop discrimination who to trust and not trust in your life. I would encourage you read a book called "where to draw the line: setting boundaries in everyday life" by: anne katherine. "Healing Trauma" by peter levine is also excellent. there is a cd with exercises in the book that can help you reconnect.
Many hugs to you!!
Erika

Dear Ginny. You have taken the first step and expressed your feelings of isolation and loneliness. It will not always be this way for you. It is normal for folks with PTSD to feel as if there are walls between them and the rest of humanity. Those are the walls that protected you but they can come down. In my experience, finding the right people who I can talk with has helped me make connections. Animals have helped greatly. There is always someone out there who can and will connect with you and your trust will build. There are angels among us....Sending you hugs Ginny....

The Counting Crows have a lyric in their song "Round Here" that reads:
'I have trouble acting normal when I'm nervous'

I really relate to that lyric and your post. I constantly struggle with the whole, is it me, is it them, is it this area of the US, is it everything?????? and the thoughts cycle around and around and around.

Ginny, I thank God that when I went to my church, the pastor there explained to me that vows or no vows, God did not expect me to suffer or be treated like that. The church became my support system. My problem was that I was so far gone that by the time I went to them, I was already a shell of a person. That was over 7 years ago, and I am just understanding that. I am still trying to crawl out of that shell, but it is a hard process. I AM making progress though. I am in therapy where we have been very intense for the last 6 months or so in processing everything that has happened to me and how I feel about it.