Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.

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deleted_user 10/15/2007

It has been 5 years since my fiance committed suicide when we were at home. The nightmares have mostly gone away and so have the day time flashbacks. Of course, there are life events that come up that cause the nightmares to come back, but they don't stay more than a couple days. But the thing that has stayed with me, and I feel as if it will never go away, is the Hypervigilance. My counselor described it to me as being almost paranoid but it is not paranoia. I feel like a freak! I have to double and triple check my door when I lock it to go to work. And even then as I am driving off I question if I locked it. I never use to be a light sleeper, and now the slightest noise wakes me up at night. I am scared to death to have someone I just met, especially a man, over to my place because then he will know where I live and what will he do when I am not home? I moved into my current place 3 years ago and someone had to stay with me for 2 weeks straight. I was just so panic stricken and scared to stay alone. My counselor explained that saying I have to create a comfort zone and when I am outside of that I freak out and panic. I don't even like to be gone at night with friends too long. I would rather be at home with my dog and cat. They comfort me and help with the panic I feel.
I mean, it has been 5 years! When is this going to go away? Am I going to be like this forever? I hate feeling this way.

deleted_user 10/15/2007

I too have experienced how intolerable it can be to be alone. I have even wanted to move and live in a group home so I wouldn't have to be alone. Creating comfort and safety at home is a good idea. Anyone who had gone through what you did would be having a hard time, so try not to judge yourself too harshly. Things can and will get better. Thanks for reaching out!

deleted_user 10/15/2007

I have been where you are, got better went back again.It takes time, how much time is individual.I see people here who have come through it and it gives me hope for myself to do the same.
I hide out here in my home with my cats, and find it hard to go out as well.I went back to doing what I did when I lived in the same town as my ex.I worry about things at the house, is it secure?I worry about not being out to long.I worry that someone is out there when I am the most vulnerable.I drive a differant way to the store doc appts. ect I feel like I did with him, if I don't drive the same way everyday, I am harder to follow, no routine.
Vent it like you just did to us, we all understand and will be here with you.

deleted_user 10/15/2007

I had a friend who drank herself to death two years ago. She was only 36. I know I get hypervigilant when I'm around people who drink. I'll think something is going to happen to them. I think with any trauma you go through periods of adjustment. It affects your mood and stuff. Going to a counselor/therapist is helpful, talking, drawing (you don't have to be an artist), journaling, feeling comforted by your pets, etc. I also have a medication to take as needed if the panic gets to bad. Helps me climb back in my skin per say. You won't be like that forever. I used to panic all the time. Now I hardly ever have a panic attack. It does get better. I wish you the best and thank you for your post.

deleted_user 10/15/2007

I moved into a new area in February and have had to actively battle at expanding my comfort zone. At first I panicked at nearly everything and kept coming home early and in tears. I found a book by Susan Jeffers called "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" which helped a lot.
I now am making a concious effort to do things that are challenging as I have found that by repetition they become far less terrifying. I have gone from being absolutely demolished by an experience to now merely anxious. It is a slow process though and there are some things I have to feel very strong to do, but I can now occasionally do them, which is progress.

deleted_user 10/15/2007

i notice are shoes are similar. Not the same size or shape, but similar. Hi I'm here 4 u.

deleted_user 10/16/2007

Each of us has our own timetable for healing. A lot of it has to do with how deeply the trauma has affected us. I am seven years after leaving an abusive marraige that lasted for 22 years. I still find comfort at home and with my dog. I keep trying to get out and do things, but if often is short lived and I am anxious to get back home. My hyper-vigilence has made it hard, if not impossible, to develop a relationship with a man. I worry about being "taken in" by another sweet talking abuser. I am happy with a long-distance relationship right now that limits our contact to phone.

pageo 10/16/2007

Hi stardance. I am assuming that the sudden loss of your partner is what has caused your trauma. This should require as much time to work through as for those of us who suffered trauma from early ages...but if you did...in the past..this may be bringing it all up . I don't know.

It is understandable that your need for safety is in your every move. please be compassionate with your behaviors. How long have you been in therapy? It is gonna take some time. I know it is frustrating but do make sure you feel your councilor is doing a good job...fr example...does he/she work with EMDR and or cognitive behavioral therapy? I think those are essential for a good trauma therapist. I recommend reading "Waking the Tiger" and " The Body Remembers". both will explain how it all works. I find reading a great comfort.

Take Care...I think our recovery depends on how much effort we are willing to put to the task. It will require an understanding and a real measure of acceptance...not just...can i turn it off now...I don't like it any more. I understand that desire very much so...but that is one desire and the then there is the work involved.

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