i have been wanting more attention again recently. Im not doing anything thats attention seeking though and i keep wishing people would just know i need some extra love and attention right now but how could they? Im not going to act out just for attention. I may have subcontiously in the past with self harm ect. but not anymore. Thats past me.
i have just admitted to myself that im really hurting very deep down. I want it to stop, i wish someone could take it away from me but they cant. I just have to manage with it some how. I dont even think that anyone could do anything in the whole world to solve my pain, maybe could for few mins distract me but wont make it go away.
Im not suicidal, but i cant help but thinking its the only way to stop it. One my friends who saved me from dying on a suicide attempt asked me today if i was angry at her for keeping me alive. I said yes and no. I said itd be so much easier if i had died, but i do have happy moments in last few years. So no not angry cos i fo expierence happy feelings. But ya know they always seem to disapear from my mind when depression is kicking me.
i really have alot of hate for myself right now which doesnt help. Im too fat, too ugly, too boring, failing and falling behind with life ect.
Im sad for, well my whole life really. Its never been easy. May last year was great when i started work, i met a new friend and i loved my job then that went down hill when i got put in hospital in august. After that i had alot of illness from work. Pain,fatigue (turned oyt to be fibro)flu,colds, mental illness,badly sprained shoulder.
i failed. I only really had a good 5 months out of 10. I feel i failed. Then a member of staff refering me to like a extra service user.
Im sad. I want it to all go back and change it, i should have revealed my abuse to someone as a kid. Alot my teachers knew something was wrong. I had many chances to confide but i didnt.
i shut up now. So sorry.
Anyone else find that the morning are the most anxious time for them? I was having a better night yesterday. I was able to eat which I haven't been in days. Went to sleep to awake at 3 am with the stomach issues o have been having. Tossing and turning all night long with stomach pain and anxiety. I feel Like I don't want to get up because who wants to deal with this but I also can't sleep....
Hello there. I'm new to the online community. So I'm giving it a go. I have a fairly new job, less than a year, that I have noticed my anxiety increase tremendously as each week goes by. My job entails being legally responsible for people that cannot take care of themselves due to severe mental illness and have been placed under the care of local county staff, me. At times, the people's mental...