I was diagnosed with PTSD. It's hard to talk about what I'm going through. It's all related to an abusive co-worker who treats me the same as someone in my past did. I have become very fearful of other people. Most people, in my eyes, never say what's really going on in them. Because of that it's hard for me to know what I can say and what not. I'm afraid I'll offend them or they judge me negatively. I seem to know a lot of very private people who always behave perfectly, never seem to have anything going on in their lives, they're always polite, don't seem to get upset at anybody ... I have a few friends I can talk to but it's not enough. I recently got a therapist (out of fear I would burden my friends too much with my difficulties and loose their friendship) but the last time I saw the therapist, I got the feeling that my life functions as a form of entertainment to her. She's a retired person who occassionally sees a client but doesn't seem to have much of a life. Anyway, it's become a burden for me to relate to others because I'm afraid of their negative judgment or that I step on their toes accidentially (which they will not say). People complain to me about others behind their back but whenever I say "why don't you talk to that person about it", they never do and keep complaining for years. One collegue burst out to me recently. I was shocked. I'd never felt anything negative from her but it was such an outburst that she must have been hiding her true feelings for a while. Another friend kept something hidden from me which I heard about from a third person. It had nothing to do with me but I felt hurt that she didn't confide in me. I've always been very open with her but now came to realize that this isn't mutual. That hurts. It's all so confusing to know what people really mean when they say things. How can I get pleasure back in relating to others? Does anyone have the same experience as I do?
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