I know that in order to heal from physical, sexual, and emotional abuse I need to talk about it in therapy. Here is the problem. Whenever I meet with the therapist (six times since January), the discussion almost invariably centers around my kids. They are in an emotional limbo and suffer greatly. They have their own therapist to work through these things in the same office as my therapist. I sought out therapy to help my children through this time of uncertainty - awaiting the divorce (no court date yet). I know there has been physical and emotional abuse of both children and suspect sexual abuse of daughter. So it is a very complicated matter. However, I feel like I am stuck. I am still having the same nightmares (at least 3 night a week) where stbx is raping me and I can't fight back. I have tried to change the outcome in my dreams, but it always ends with me lying there hurt and bleeding like so many times in real life. I wake up sweaty and breathless. My chest feels like it is going to cave in and I rarely can get back to sleep at all for the night. Also, whenever I happen to see stbx, vomit rises up in the back of my throat. I can taste it and I swallow hard to keep it from coming up. At the same time, I get all out of breath and my heart pumps ninety miles a minute. We live in a small town so I see him at least two to three times a week. I want to get to a place where these things don't run my life. I want to be able to sleep without fear of the rapes occurring all over again. I want to be able to see stbx without the panic and anger and hurt being so heavy. It has been almost seven months now, but these are as real now as when he was served with Protective Order. How do I get to the point to talk about these things with the therapist? How do I start?
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