I didn't see it coming, and his "grooming" process was so slow and methodical, I didn't know it was happening. By the time he was done with me, he'd completely stripped me of my sense of self-worth, my independence, my ability to socialize, my ability to trust anyone - let alone my own feelings; and worst of all, my belief in God. What did I do to deserve what he did to me or my innocent children? What kind of God would allow someone like him to destroy so many lives - to take so much and leave so many people forever scarred? I wanted my faith back. I wanted something to believe in again. I went to a preacher for counseling. Even as I sat there crying and shaking uncontrollably, he sexually assaulted and raped me. I was seeking God. I was seeking truth and help. Am I just so undeserving of any god's compassion that my whole family has to be punished? My BABIES?!?! What have I ever done in my life to deserve all this? If there is a God, where was he when I looked so hard for him and poured out the last of my trust and soul to that rapist who called himself God's messenger? How can I ever possibly believe there is a God again? This is not the life the God I was raised to believe in would allow ... or is it?
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