I have flashbacks just about every day of my life. I've learned to deal with them and they don't bother me as much. So far as the holidays, I tend to have more flashbacks of my earlier years cause with holidays there was alot of tension in the house. I'm so sorry you are filled with anxiety and pain. Maybe take a little time for yourself and try to get grounded in today. I know that's easier said than done. Holidays aren't a happy time for everyone due to stress but you hang in there. Maybe try some deep breathing, tell yourself you are safe today and no one is going to hurt you, maybe take a few minutes and journal something in a handwritten journal. I know with the combination of working hard through the years, journaling, meds, some therapy, you can learn to not let the flashbacks throw you so hard. I wish you the best and hope you will be able to get through this so you can enjoy your day. This is a tough time of year for alot of people. Me included. Let yourself be in today. I wish you well.