Hello. I'm new. So I'm just looking for a support group. Last year I was diagnosed with complex PTSD, a result of childhood trauma. I've also developed a nasty panic disorder too. I have nightmares every night that cause me to wake up abruptly in cold sweats. I never remember the nightmares, I just feel the terror. They set the tone for the day. I constantly live in fear. Fear for my health--I constantly believe that I am going to die. I don't usually leave my apartment alone because of fearing something might happen to me. I have these fears more when my wife is away at work. I have other fears too, friends and family don't love me anymore, etc. Also my wife and I moved to a new city a few months ago and know nobody where we are. Obviously can't really be social thanks to Covid.
I have panic attacks a lot, to the point that they cause suicide ideation. A week ago I almost ended up checked in at an inpatient center. It actually ended up not happening because I felt unsafe. Long story short, I had reached my limit and was wanting a way out. I didn't really do anything except for threaten that I would. But I got really scary, according to my wife. My wife, and even a neighbor, who we have never met, were very concerned. Actually the neighbor called the police for a welfare check. I'm glad that person did.
Currently I am in EMDR therapy and have recently been prescribed a beta-blocker to ease the symptoms of the attacks. That has been helping a bit. My goal is to enter intensive outpatient trearment. Anyways, apologies if this is long. Just really want to connect with a support group.
Everything just feels so futile right now.I finally feel like I'm on the right medication, because I've been much more stable. Like I've actually felt pretty normal/good for the last week and a half. So that is def a good thing.But I'm just struggling right now. Not with depression per se, but I just feel like my life is so meaningless. Nothing I do has purpose. I'm just existing to make money,...
What do you think is the difference between calling a judgement on a behavior or feeling frustrated or angry about the same behavior? Or even worse! feeling resentment!I don't know atm if I'm more angry with myself for feeling the way I am, not having any sympathy and once again believe I've been let down my my dear son who is 24. I really hate the space I'm in right now!I asked him nearly 3...