I have been living in Pensacola, Florida for the last 10 years. I came from Michigan after being placed on Disability. I live at the poverty level but at least I can pay my bills and eat and not have to worry about loosing another job, apartment and becoming homeless and a suicide statistic. I have been hanging on where I'm at for the last 7 years. I have been coping with loud neighbors, their kids, which I can't stand, and there ignorant parents, crack whores and lowlifes and a whole parade of freaks that is never ending. I just can't stand the noise of booming music rattling my windows and floorboards, constant flow of traffic and mooching neighbors any longer. My coping mechanism is to try and tranquilize myself but if that doesn't work I resort to booze and then all hell breaks loose. I am a shy, quiet, hermit by nature, I become Charles Bronson and my Drunken father all rolled in to one and ready to kick some F*ing ass. Naturally, I have gained a reputation as a "psycho lady" and have one eviction because I refused to pay the drunken landlord until he fixed the place up and one arrest for trying to chase away some crack dealers who threatened my life. which was thrown out of court because the "victims" wouldn't come within a mile of a court room being criminals and all. So anyway, I just want to live somewhere quiet, but I rely on public transportation and my feet to get supplies. I have tried the roommate situation but that never turns out well. I feel really NEEDY right now and I hate it. My doctor is reviewing my meds and we may try something else come March 12. I am reluctant to leave town because of the health care provided here. But part of me is just ready to rent a truck and drive off, an impulse I expend a lot of energy containing. I'm just worried where all the repressed impulses and energy are going to explode. So I sit here stagnating getting a day older and more frustrated and have even considered finding new homes for my cat and dog. I just don't know what to do.
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