One of my least favorite cycles: Fear -->Repression -->Depression. I am really depressed today, but I find that the situation is more complicated than that. I am depressed because memories came up recently of being verbally abused by my boss. So is the problem depression or really being a victim of verbal abuse. Enter negative thoughts, but this time it's the things he told me and the things he made me believe about myself. He made me feel like I would never amount to anything. This is affecting my work, because if I really am as worthless as he thought I was, what is the point of even trying. If I'm not as smart as I thought I was, then how can I master the advanced statistics and health subjects I'm studying. I know these thoughts are flat out lies. They are not even remotely true, but I still feel down.
I've been trying to stay productive one baby step at a time, and listening to happy music. I'm trying to combat the negative thoughts when they come up. I'm trying not to remember how scared and naked he made me feel. I just feel so lost and sad.
Any suggestions? What keeps you going through the tough days?
a dance friend was going to give me a ride to a big weekend event, but I saw some posts about my old studio on Facebook by my new teachers and I felt too anxious to go and cancelled. I know I can't expect them to cut ties with a local dance studio. Chatted with someone about dance that weekend and just felt sad when she talked about Latin dance and how romantic it is. What a joke that is to me....
I've been depressed a lot recently due to the losses that I have had two people I love have passed away in the past 5 months it's horrible feeling this way I feel that there's no point to anything and that things are hopeless I wish these feelings would go away