One of my least favorite cycles: Fear -->Repression -->Depression. I am really depressed today, but I find that the situation is more complicated than that. I am depressed because memories came up recently of being verbally abused by my boss. So is the problem depression or really being a victim of verbal abuse. Enter negative thoughts, but this time it's the things he told me and the things he made me believe about myself. He made me feel like I would never amount to anything. This is affecting my work, because if I really am as worthless as he thought I was, what is the point of even trying. If I'm not as smart as I thought I was, then how can I master the advanced statistics and health subjects I'm studying. I know these thoughts are flat out lies. They are not even remotely true, but I still feel down.
I've been trying to stay productive one baby step at a time, and listening to happy music. I'm trying to combat the negative thoughts when they come up. I'm trying not to remember how scared and naked he made me feel. I just feel so lost and sad.
Any suggestions? What keeps you going through the tough days?
I'm going on a harbour cruise here today as part of Seniors' Week and its only $10 for the cruise, a look around one of the islands and morning tea. Why wouldn't you want to do that? Well, anxiety is kicking in and I'm fighting to make myself get ready and go.I went to a free printmaking class the other day but I went with my neighbour. I found 4 hours of sitting too much for me and my printing...
My anxiety has gotten really bad. Ive had 3 flat tires with one blow out on highway then spin out on ramp which left me in a ditch. I wasnt hurt but now im terrified of driving. Especially when it rains and we've been getting rain everyday so i havent gone far. Just to grocery store. Ive had to cancel appts for fear of driving. I just dont lnow how to overcome it. I feel trapped.