M messaged me while i was at work and asked if i wanted to do something together tonight like bowling or cinema. I was so pleased he had asked, i was di excited all my work shift just to get home and see him.
I got home we booked a film called manchester by the sea and went. I cried 5 times during the film. The main plot is around a father dying. I was triggered into thinking of how il cope when my dad dies. I feel so confused about it. The kid in it had a panic attack and i cried at that cos i know those feelings too well. The hurt and the pain that triggers such powerful emotion. I was trying to hold bk the tears but couldnt. I just hope no one saw. I told M after and he hadnt noticed but he noticed i was doing my stimming aspergers scratchy thing on my coat. He thought it meant i was enjoying it, which i did but i was also triggered and emotionaly comforting myself and i didnt even realise i had done it till he mentioned it and mentioned i was kinda loud scratching away.
Im just trying to think how nice it was for M to ask me out and him wanting to spend time together. I am extremely tired so maybe that made me more emotional. Dunno.
I want my dad to die... but i also dont.
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Does anyone else get tremors when sleeping from anxiety.. like you get really shaky for no reason and it wakes you up from your sleep ? Because is really scary to wake up and your body is still shaking but you don't know how to make it stop