Hello, I am new. I am 49 years of age. 3 years ago I started having symptoms of short of breath and small stinging sensation across my collar bone, thats it...at 46 years. Drs. Finally decided to do a heart cath where they found I was 90/70/50 % blocked in my main artery. They said that i was very lucky as I would have had the widow maker if I would have had a heart attack. I felt so blessed to be saved and they put 2 stents in and angioplasty. 3 years go by, and I started feeling out of breath again. All the Drs. Told me that i was likely fine, but finally my heart Dr. Said he would do another heart cath just to be safe. During my heart cath, the Dr. Found that my stents ...the new medicated kind failed. He was trying to restent me in my main artery when he ripped open my main artery and I began to bleed out. I was awake. I remember him leaning over me, crying as he was running with me saying he was so sorry. He said it over and over again. It was so traumatic. The next thing I knew, I woke up intubated and had extream pain as they needed to do emergency bypass open heart surgery. Tripple bypass. I am experiencing a lot of emotial outbursts...crying. multiple times a day. I am at home now on week 3 trying to recover and finding this is a very hard journey to recover from....more than I thought. Also, my incision on my chest has open in 2 spots so now I have to pack them with medical strips and there is some tunnelling which is quite traumatic as well. This is all so much. My Drs. Say the tearing up often is normal and they try not to treat unless you are so bad you have trouble functioning. Which I get. I was just wondering is there anyone out there that can relate to my story as I would greatly appreciate any support. This is certainly the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and quite tramatic for me. Thanks so much for listening.
As I have pondered the results of my recent "Testing" post, the term, "Gaslighting" has been floating through the ponderations like a street sign. When I finally started taking my amnesia therapy seriously in the mid to late 80's, the term was used extensively to help me explore what was going on with my memory dysfunctions and resulting psychoses (pl). I was self-gaslighting like a toxic mother...
I have to work with a lot of priveledged, snobby people. I feel like I would rather die than serve them. It is nearly impossible for me to find of job, due to me current situation. So, I know I "should" stick it out. However, ethically, I don't know that I can. Suicide honestly seems to outweigh serving those monsters.