On my way bk from my parents I had flash backs of when I was really very unwell with my mental health. I never used to believe I was ill. But flash back of all the bad things that happened flashed back up. I can't even believe that was me. I know I was ill and vulnerable but I can't believe the way I behaved. It's shocking now I think about it all. I hope I never become that ill ever again. I can't believe how irresponsible I was and how risky I was. I was very impulsive and put my life on the line weekly. I think this all has come up because I have spent a lot of my time with my niece this weekend, I really want children. My boyf said first I need to prove I'm stable without medication, have a job and prove I'm responsible. I'm working on it except I don't think il be off meds for a few years but I can't be pregnate on my medication. I really want to get there. I love my boyf so much and can't imagine anything better then having our own children together. I watched my four and half month old niece having a swimming lesson and it was amazing. I can't wait to do that. I just hope I can get there.