it all seems pointless. i cnat explain it it just is. i feel this pressure building up in my head and my eyes blur over..i dont know if its a ptsd thing ornormal stress of aphysical problem building...i dont care if its physical thing, i already know its coming to end, it just feels like my body is finally breaking down and catching up with my shattered mind. i cant concentrate, and simple things seem complicated at times, sayinf a simple sentence takes effort and writing is getting worse. i feel like im looking at snowy tv screen my eyes are all weird...i have this thought that came from somewhere or from a comments someone said about brain tumor, i looked up the symptoms, i have symptoms but not really causes that match up, it could be something else. but i dont care anymore, i wont go to the docotr, she gave me heaps last time i saw her, and she was out of line, and was giving me crap bout something that wasnt even to do with me.i never liked going and seeing her anyways she just treated me like big sook, even though it took an arm and leg to get me to go to see her in first place, id rather not, what ever physical problem is i dont care. i end up wantin to throw up food more lately, why? i dont know, its not like feel sick, like queezy or anything, maybe its the eating disorder thing, maybe its nothing...i so need to talk to someone before my mind explodes but on the other hand im starting to not care...i did the stupid thing in a fit of despair last night, i mess my friend to ask if he had time to talk when i picked upp a form needed to pick up for the office...now i keep thinking should just pick up form and get out, if im at risk of breaking down, im at risk of it happening again, which may or may not be wrong. my head still refuses to decide. pressur builds in head like something inside my head trying to push its way out. eww just got weird image of a person breaking out of my head, no more alien shows from 60's....i dont know...but seriously//i got no where to turn except a person that i trust but at times may or not be crossing one line or another...i odnt know if i can care anymore. . . .
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