
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.

deleted_user
It's about 2am. I know I should go to sleep especially since i need to wake up early tomorrow. But I don't want to go to sleep. It's not that i'm afraid of the dark or dreams or night terrors. I don't have any of those. I just don't want to go to sleep. I'm tired. But it's like I want to just keep awake, as if in falling asleep i lose control or something. I'm not really sure whats going on. Does anybody have any ideas? I don't think I've felt like this before.
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But once my head hits the pillow my mind just gets racing and racing. Not on bad topics, all the time. I'll have "flashbacks" and loop sometimes, but they don't conciously horrify me. But to my body it is another matter. My heart races and I actually start to have whole body twitches, like mini-spasms.
For the sake of my blood pressure I've cut out salt. I've stopped drinking my beloved coffee this week. Still, it happens. I don't want to go to be because I fear I will have one of those nights where the anxiety spins and spins and spins.
I take an Ambien once in a while. Or an Ativan, which is like a milder Xanax. Sometimes I have a glass of wine, but I'm so sensitive, that makes me headachy.
Today I went for a long walk in the woods. I listened one of the lectures from my entomology class as I hiked along. iPods and iTalks are wonderful gadgets. When I was revved up, I was studying, as I started to chill out, I just relaxed.
The woods up here are lovely now. The canopy has thinned so more light hits the forest floor. The leaves are yellow and orange and red. It's bright in the woods. It just rained here after a dry spell. I started pulling apart logs looking for fungus beetles. Found none, but saw a wondrous array of fungus. Marvelous little sculptures of all kinds. Peeling off the bark, I found one log was covered with bright blue fungus. I mean that crappy fake raspberry candy color blue. And then I found this huge shelf fungi that looked like hunks of pumpkin rind. Pretty amazing.
But did I walk enough to make me sleep tonight? I do not know.