you never said if you or husband has the ptsd. That makes a world of difference.

you never said if you or husband has the ptsd. That makes a world of difference.

I am the one that has PTSD. I would never wish this on him - or anyone for that matter. I'm starting to truly believe that this is too much to deal with anymore.

Flooded,
you have not gone off the deep end. I know when I'm flared up, everything seems major and I want to micromanage every little part of my life. The need to be in control is very hard for me to let go of because I was so out of control the times I was assaulted. Be patient with yourself. Your husband married you because he loves you, part of marraige is getting through the tough times together. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but there will be better days. Whirlwind thoughts are such a part of PTSD. It's hard to deal with, but worth the effort, keep going forward.

I hear that, Katy - control is a very big thing for me for exactly the same reason. And since my husband is so macho (which can be very cute at times) I am rarely the one in control in my house. Which is fine with me, normally (less responsibility) but when we fight that need for control surfaces and I blow up. Plus I don't handle being yelled at or intimidated very well, and I generally go for the first part of the "fight or flight" response.

Oh, I am so happy to see other people talk about control issues and the "fight or flight" stuff. I am dealing with this stuff also and it is just nice to know that it's a fairly common thread. Even though I don't feel good, at least I have the company of others who understand it. I have been the one in control in my house because the H (changes intermittedly with stbx) was abusive and being a controller was the only way I could function. I had to have control over part of my life, or he would have destroyed me. Now I'm being told by the medical profession that it is one of the issues I need to deal with. I'm not sure I want to give it up.

Flooded, it sounds like an abusive and controlling environment you live AND work in is contributing to (if not causing) your PTSD. Has your husband acknowledged any complicity in you being able to cope? Is your job situation so tenuous that a few minutes late punching in would put you on the streets? Will your husband go to therapy with you? These are all important questions, and some you need to consider carefully. Hypervigilance is a symptom of PTSD, and if you are living and working in a situation that only promotes more of it, it can be extremely toxic and make it significantly harder to recover from.

You need to take stock of your full situation and figure out what is BEST for YOU, putting up with control and abuse 24X7 to have a few moments of peace and absence of certain worries or facing the anxiety and becoming much more independent. It may not be as much of a rock and hard place when you spend time weighing the pros and cons of both sides.

This may sound funny, but STAY AWAY FROM CAFFEINE WHEN YOU FEEL THIS WAY! ( It makes it worse) I go through the same things. And caffeine makes your mind run faster and switch like a light....I can easily fall into a panic attack when I add coffee to the way I am already feeling. I suffer from needing control as well. And I agree that has to do with protecting yourself. Also when you feel this way try doing nothing...go put in your fav movie with your fav snack. Take a DEEP breath and say I am safe here. Cuddle in the blankets like a child. It may help. Bless You! Also if you have support...have someone take on your responsibilities for a few hours or maybe the day. While you learn to feel safe and do nothing.

Thanks to all for your insight. Patty, I wanted to clarify something. It is not that I live and/or work in abusive environments. It is almost like paranoia. No one would care if I was 15 minutes, or even an hour late to work because no one else comes in until after 10, and I get in at 7:30. My husband would not begrudge me 15 minutes of time on the computer. It is all about total control of my life and my surroundings. And losing any of that freaks me out and sends me into anxiety attacks. Does that make sense?

I had a therapist call this 'catastrophizing'.

He said that when you experience trauma, you learn to live your entire life waiting for the next trauma to hit.

I would assess every situation in my life with a best case/worst case scenario. There was no middle ground.

Him telling me that helped me to be aware of it, but I wish there was a tool to handle it. I think I've decided deep breathing is the best tool for me. Others with more experience might know better.

That is actually really helpful. . . . I wonder how common this is among people with PTSD.