Hello, My name is Jammye. I have PTSD,Depression and suicidal tendencies and thoughts.I am married with two children. My wife has M.S. and my youngest son has ADHD. I lost my Truck Driving job back in January after I jackknifed my Rig on snow slick roads. I had unemployment denied and was behind on my bills. My wife has been denied SSDI and is unwilling to work. My youngest son is in state coustody with D.F.S. We have been dilengently working to get him back home.With all the Stress, anxiety and frustration I was having problems that became overwhelming for me.I would isolate myself by playing World of Warcraft or reading. I lost interest in everything and friends and family. I was distant and not interested sex and socializing. I would go for days with out sleep or eating then I would binge eat. I was unmotivated to do anything, I didn't want to work or clean the house. I wanted to be left alone. I have surpressed most of my feelings and emotions for a very long time. I have feelings of abandonment and loneliness.I felt I failed some where in my relationships with my family and friends. I had my father die when I was in High School.I lost to shipmates while I was in the Navy. I then was in a fatality Accident where 2 people die. I told my sons D.F.S treatment team that I din't deserve to live and wished that I was dead I even went as far as trying to hang myself with a extention cord. I don't why or who introveaned to stop me,but I did seek help through the VA. I have been treatment and recovery since June 22nd of 09. My wife and oldest son think that I don't love them and have abandoned them and that it is all my fault for leaving them with out any income and with bills overdue. The mariage is on very rocky ground right now. I know if I leave treatment to early that a relapse is possible or probable. I tried to express my concerns and feeling with my wife, but all she wants in money to pay bills and to come home and go back to work. She has turned away help from the church and others that are trying to help.
This triggers all sorts of emotions from anger to frustation and being depressed and worried.
God only knows how things will turn out. My wife has been with out medication for her M.S. since January and hasn't been to therapy since then either which is part of her treatment plan from D.F.S. She won't even go to welfare or shared solutions for help. God Help Me.