At 3 am I woke up and could not figure out why I could not get back to bed and why I was having anxiety issues. An hour and a half later of watching mindless tv shows, I have my answer.
When I went to bed last night as soon as my head hit the pillow the anxiety started and the flashbacks to conversations, events, and old stuff from work started. I found myself struggling with getting to sleep because of the snippets of old crap coming back. I finally got myself settled and slept for 4 hours, waking up at 3am with anxiety again. My mind flooded with every work failure that I have ever had or any failure in general.
Well folks, it is here because I have a job interview today. My fear of failure again in a work related setting is driving anxiety which in turn is keeping me up. This is stupid, I know it. This is an interview, I have not even gotten the job yet and I have anxiety about failing and getting fired. Welcome to PTSD eh? I know and understand that this is stupid, not logical, nothing to worry about yet, here I am with my mind working overtime to undermine me before I have even started, or gotten to the interview. God I love having PTSD. My mind has reached back into the worst of the abusive work environment I was exposed to while working when I got sick with PTSD, the physcial abuse, the mental abuse, the confusion in my mind at that time, the frustration, and anger. It has thrown it all back into the present for me to relive in a job I have not even gotten yet and is no where the same in any shape or manner.
In addition, the anxiety is driving worry if I can even physically do this job. I need a knee replaced and I am to young for it to be done, so I live in pain. Restocking the shelving in a retail store will mean lots of on my feet, bending, and up and down as I stock bottom shelves. In reality, my knee is not going to stand up to this, so now I am doubting if I should even be attempting it. Is it fear of failure or real concern for my knee? I am thinking it is fear of failure because I don't even know the details of the job or how many hours I would be working.
So, it is now 5am, I have an interviw at 1230am and I am tired from not sleeping, I am full of anxiety and my mind has been working over time. Not likely going to be the best frame of mind for an interview but it is what it is. I will manage and I will do my best, it will have to be enough. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, slow it down.
Got to love PTSD
Hey all,So I usually wake up with bad anxiety and I have no idea because I get nauseous and instantly have to use the bathroom . I mean My anxiety in general is frustrating to try and keep at bay....any Tips or advice for. trying to relax my mind and body ?