Yesterday was the first year anniversary of my wife’s death. Despite plans to spend it with her family, I decided to stay home alone and go through her clothes for charity donation. I cried for,hours and fell asleep for part of the day from the exhaustion, and then was up most of the night feeling sad and lonely. Or in other words, I grieved the way someone grieve when their wife dies.
Part of why I changed my mind was because the closer it got to going to the get together that we planned, the more stress I felt. The more stress I felt, the more I felt my PTSD symptoms raging. Isolation won out because it was what I needed to do in order to avoid dissociation and flashbacks.
I learned last year that the stress of grief is a huge trigger to my incestuous traumas. Last year, sleep deprivation reared its ugly head, causing me to have a blackout episode of self harming, and I must admit that this week it has tried to make a reappearance. I have been keeping a careful eye on it to make sure it doesnt become detrimental to my well being again.
So to avoid becoming a hot mess this year as well, since I'm currently off the meds and working with mindfulness and acceptance in place of routine cognitive therapy, I’m making a concious decision to indulge in some isolation. I did schedule a phone therapy session this past Tuesday to help prepare me for the get together with my inlaws, but despite the good session and the suggestion that I momentarily considered for seeking EMDR TREATMENT for my childhood traumas, i have decided I prefer the acceptance and mindfulness in general. It was working well for me and this mild set back is just stress from my grief processing.
or im fooling myself and in a few weeks I will be writing the next post about how i made the wrong choice.
ah to be human is a gamble
on the morrow DS~
Where did everyone go after the migration/relaunch of the site in 2016? Was it Facebook, or another support site I'm unaware of?The loneliness group claims to have 7K plus members but only ever 2 or 3 online?The depression group 17K members typically 8 online?Also wondering if any further changes are planned?Chat?Group Hugs?Seeing when a friend updates their status or changes their mood.A...