Hello Jan 2nd 2018. YOU SUCK!
So some of you are aware of my cat and the situation I came home to last week after being gone for 8days. I wasn't able to sleep much last night. I finally got out of bed around 5. Before I could put my feet on the floor I heard my little kitty, Max, crying. (yes he has different meows for different things, and I can tell the difference.) I listened and found him crying while in his litter box. Male cats are very prone to Urniary track infections, idk why. I was concerend so I called the vet as soon as they opened and got an appointment for late this afternoon. He does have a UTI, a bad one. I asked what would have caused it and she said a number of things including his litter not being changed, changing the type of litter I use and not having clean water to drink. She gave me some meds to drop into his food, it has to be wet food. She also told me to empty his litter box completely, clean the box out and add fresh good quality litter, which I was planning to do anyway. It cost me so much to go to the vet, pay for his meds, and then go buy wet food and the best litter walmart had. I just got paid today and I've spent all my money that I set aside for food for the month. She said Max should be feeling better in 24hrs after his first dose. I gave it to him around 6pm. He's hiding and still crys when he tries to urniate. It's breaking my heart. i cant even cuddle him. He devoured the wet food, which made me feel a bit better, at least he couldnt taste the medication, which really smells btw. Max is everything to me! He's saved my life! He makes me laugh and feel a bit better on bad days. I've had him for exactly two years now. He's never been sick before. I've only taken him to the vet to get his shots. Today has been a whole new world for me. My heart is breaking. I have so much on my plate already and for him to be hurting makes everything else worse.
I see my therapist tomorrow. I spoke with him for a few minutes today. i didn't realize my appointment was tomorrow until he told me. Thankfully I had time to set up transportation. I'm afraid I'm going to completely fall apart and not be able to function normally. i'm afraid that he'll want me to go to the hospital. I don't want to kill myself or cut myself. I have to be here for max. If that means i have to dissociate then I do. i've been in worse spots and worked my way through them before. I just have to be reminded.
I honestly think that My drug stealing, cat sitter, "friend" could have prevented this if she had just followed my directions. Seriously cats are pretty self sufficient and don't require that much attention so I don't think I asked to much of her to come over three times while I was gone to refill his water, his food, and scoop the litter. I've been away for longer and nothing like this has happened before. The only thing different is the "friend" I trusted to take care of Max. I don't know when I'm going to learn who to trust and who to not trust.
Thats all for now. I'm going to find something to watch and then go to bed early. Tomorrow starts real life again. I have two appointments tomorrow, so far nothing on thursday, and an appointment friday. It won't be that bad, I'm just a bit worried about dissicociating and how bad it already is.
1 good thing is that my pain is now under control and I didn't have to go to the ER for relief. I just need to stay on the regime that Im supposed to be on and I'll be feeling ok again. Another plus for today is that the vet tech clipped Maxs nails for me. With me not being able to get close enough to him becase of how he's feeling was a plus for me today.
I'll try to post again soon.
So later this week my husband and I are going on vacation. And we are flying. I hate hate hate flying! It is only a short flight too - 1 hour 45 minutes there and 1 hour 30 minutes home. I am terrified of everything and anything that could go wrong. Like what if my plane collides with another in the sky? Engine failure? Terrorism? I don't worry about germs n stuff, I work retail haha. I am not...
I will not be sufficated and pressured into living anymore. Yes my niece will miss me and for that i will hate my decision but she will forget me. She is only 2.5 yrs old.I wish i was a orphan and nobody loved or cared about me. Not that it matters i will be forgotten in matter of weeks. People just dont want to dwal with the inital pain. But it wont last long.