I am aware that I have PTSD from childhood trauma and I recognize when I am triggered. I have done years of therapy and have functioned well for years. However, a few weeks ago I was triggered and had an experience like never before. My boyfriend slammed down something in his hand because he was frustrated with not being able to locate what he was looking for. This made me flinch even though I was in another room. I went directly up to my room and locked my door. I was scared and convinced he was going to kill me. I asked him to leave the house and he did. I then changed the locks. When he called me later I was still terrified and told him I was in fear for my life. He assured me that he would never hurt me but did not understand what was happening. I was very angry and anxious and did not want to talk to him. I just told him to stay away. For 2 days I stayed indoors feeling as though "someone" was circling my house with a gun, waiting for me to come out. During this time I kept smelling smoke and I heard him yelling through the door for me to open up (but he was not there). Let me just mention that I do not use drugs or drink.
On day 3, I went out to go to the store, I was less anxious but very much out of it. When I arrived at the store I did not remember how I got there and was just sitting in my vehicle in the parking lot. In the week following, I was not able to concentrate on anything, I could not follow directions, reading or watching tv was impossible. I couldn't even clean my house. I would just move things from one spot to another without actually accomplishing anything. I felt panicky for days.
It has been 3 weeks Saturday since this happened. I no longer believe that he wants to kill me, but the feeling was real that day. I have seen him since and he found a good therapist for me to begin EMDR. When he talked to me about this being PTSD related I tried to think of what traumas I had and no longer could remember any incidents of trauma. I am so confused by this entire episode. My memory is so poor right now that it is scary. Mornings are really difficult to get up and once I do I am so anxious that I feel nauseated. I am not functioning right until at least 12 noon. Anyone else experience an episode like this? Really scary to experience these symptoms. Thanks for your support.