I was very young when my abuse started by my parents which also traumatized me,I was a very fearful and afraid child often people felt that I was going to be non sociable when in nursery school the teachers son would always chase me around swinging a whip I spent alot of time in my cubby hole all curled up in a ball 1st grade is a blur I don't remember much then on to 2nd grade I would just sit at my desk stare into the air and when I did write anything on paper they told me it was my 2 sisters names,it was then in the 2nd grade determined that I had developmental delays also known as learning disabilities and that most of the issues and my problems were not in school but rather in my living enviornment of course perpetrators as they were and are never admit to there wrong doings no they are extremely good at lying and making the child the problem so at 8 years old as I am told and firmly belive I was abandoned and sent away to private boarding school where I'd remain for 6 years then I was sent back to the very people who never wanted me to begin with never loved me cared for me and that more then showed in there actions and words,I then at the time of being sent home to them was at a 6 grade level but was put in 9th grade and split between special education and regular classes well I didn't do well in regular classes I couldn't understand the material nor comprehend alot of it that was very upsetting and unsettling to my system I told my parents I couldn't do the work and all I always heard was your not trying,your not doing your homework,your not reading the material ummmmmmmmmm hello yes I was I couldn't retain and understand it,I was a lover of sports and I was the oldest girl of 3 and I was told you just got back and you need to get use to going to school well I wanted to play softball and basketball and she(bioloical mother)said your sister is playing those you can choose something else here I am the oldest and taking the backseat to the younger one which I did over time grow to resent I definitely didn't have nor live a normal childhood,I was abused and traumatized on a daily basis and I'm talking mentally,emotionall,verbally and physically all of which they to this day and back then lie and deny as do there other 2 kids who covered there sorry butts,they would mock me,mimick me,laugh at me,make fun of me and get me worked up to the point at which I lost control of myself and my emotions which they truly enjoyed to give them more lies to make up saying I was crazy,shes out of control,shes affecting everyone else in the house we need to get her out of here,if I was left alone not provoked,prodded,pumped for information,made to talk to them when I didn't want to where are childs rights,just because you have a child doesn't make you a parent they were far from parents,or a mother and a father they outright got away scott free with child abuse and neglect and I think that is so wrong,I really don't want to give details of the verbal and physical abuse it was horrific to me and my therapist said they can lie and deny all they want your records state physical abuse(which also covers the mental,verbal and emotional)throughout childhood so I lived through it I am a survivor and do the very best I can,I know the truth I was there I am on ssi disability today because of the trauma and abuse and I also have been diagnosed with PTSD and clinical depression and emotional problems,I am good with knowing that god will punish them for there wrong doings he saw everything and knows the hurt and pain and suffering they inflicted on me,now I am in therapy trying to get past my past yes I will take a long time but I am in it for the long haul until I can get past it and have a better quality of life and experience something I have had little of and that would be joy and happiness.I didn't grow up with love and affection,care and attention nor hugs,I do have problems now with intimacy and that is sad to me because I yearn and long for a relationship,I am A Lesbian have been all my life and knew though at 8 years old of my attraction to girls but had to keep it hidden as it wasn't then and still really today accepted but I am proud of who I am and hopefully I will be able to find someone willing to give me a chance because I have alot to give and offer.I hope that some of you will take the time to also go to my page and read my journal and comment on things I write.Thank you for listening,Kim PS I need all the hugs and prayers I can get and friends as well.
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