I was told I had PTSD years ago. I have been living with it along with depression and anxiety since I was 13. My biggest problem is that It started when I was sexually abused at 13, but then I started a path of self destruction that led to more trauma. I got myself thrown out of my moms at 14, then my dads at 15, ended up living with my boy friend who became abusive when I became pregnant at 16. There is too much too list, but I have become aware of my irrational thinking and decision making and how it has and is hurting myself and worse, my kids and others around me. I really just don't know how to stop it. I know I have a problem I just can't figure out what to do about it. I've tried counseling, and confronting people, and years of meds. I have attempted suicide 4 times, but I'm still here and I know I'm here for my children and I know it was selfish of me to want to die when I have kids to take care of. The guilt tears me up. I don't feel like I'm good enough to be their mother, but I have to somehow figure out how to be strong enough to be. I guess thats why I'm here.
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