I am 22 and I am a fire fighter, in 2004 we (the fire department) responded to a car accident and when we arrived 2 children one dead and one almost dead and a mother who was thank goodness had a head injury. It was a violent scene a Semi going about 65 miles and hour slammed into the back of one car which caused him to jump into on coming traffic and slam head on into the van holding the passenger described above. This is very hard to talk about and I can see it like I am there. Well that was in 2004 and in 2005 I started having backflashes and anxiety attacks and unexplained abdominal pain. I became suicidal and was committed for about a month. The symptons never went away and a few months later it came back. And again. Now about a week ago I started having bad nightmares and flashbacks and started thinking bad thoughts. I cant take this anymore the pain the suffering. I have been on more scenes with dead people and it is just racking up. I cant do it anymore. I was committed again for suicide attempts. Im ready to be out of pain. I even enlisted in the army and was discharged 6 months later because of the PTSD. Can this reoccur this far after the acidents. I am shaking right now just talking about it. I have been having really bad thoughts the last couple days. The meds they gave me dont seem to work. My life is done. I am afraid to go to my chief at the fire department because I dont want to be looked at differently. But...and my chief is giving me a really hard time. I am angry all the time, I find myself crying alot. I have constant unexplained abdominal pain. What do I do? Im scared...for my life...its like I dont care anymore. I am not interested in any of the things I loved to do before. Everytime I see a little girl that looked like her I start crying. I get really bad chest pains like I am having a heart attack and my pulse is always high I cant eat. I still remember everything about this little girl from her to her feet. She was so innocent and that bastard had to drink and drive and on top of that he had been driving all day and night...I dont think I can make it...Please help..
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