Post Partum Depression Support Group
Postpartum depression (also postnatal depression) is a form of major depression which can affect women, and less frequently men, after childbirth. It is widely considered to be treatable. Studies report prevalence rates from 5% to 25%, but methodological differences among the studies make the actual prevalence rate unclear.
When we took Courteney home that first day she was just a perfect little girl, I dont know what was really going on with me but things went from bad to worse.
I knew I didnt feel right, I thought I was loosing my mind but I didnt no how to tell anyone how I was feeling , inside I was just waiting to die!
I walked around like a zombie most of the time always pretending that everything was fine but of course it wasnt. I had this thing about myself being ill and the children being ill, I was at my GPs nearly every day for some thing that I thought was wrong with me. I felt dizzy all the time, I just thought I was really ill and I was going to die.
I went on like this for months; I would disinfect the house and the toys all the time. If anyone dare come to house ill then I would ask then to leave.
By this time things got so bad that one day my mother was taking my niece and my two children to a Christmas fete and I decided that mine couldnt go. When my mum had gone myself and my sister were in the kitchen, she asked me what the hell was going on? Well I just slid down the cupboard crying and told her everything, from the thing with germs I had to the fact that I couldnt let anyone look after my children in case anything happened to them.
When my sister went to work she rang my GP to find out what was going on and was told I had PND (postnatal depression) and that I ad been told that ( I dont remember not that I was on this planet at the time) , I was expected to go and see him to talk it through. Like I could do that as far as I was concerned I had some terrible illness and it was only a matter of time till my children were left on their own ( not that they were my husband was around). The GP sent me some Prozac to take, which of course I didnt take as I needed to be in control (control thats laughable CONTROL I was far from in control). The feeling of being alone was unbearable; I woke up in the morning in total fear thats how my day was till bed time. Every night I would go to bed telling myself that tomorrow would be better, but when tomorrow came it was the same all over again.
I made everyone promise not to tell anyone that I had PND, what would people thick oh she cant cope or bad mother. I was just walking around in a daze most of the time , so aware of all the pains in my body everything hurt but still no one was allowed to get to close to my babies, I was the one to look after them and no one else.
Then one morning my mum walked in and gave me a number for woman suffering from PND, so I waited for everyone to go home then went upstairs to ring them.
My heart was thumping as I dialled the number, then this man answered it he had a very soft voice. I just started speaking telling him that I thought I was going mad then the tears started I couldnt stop crying, he was so kind telling me that everything was ok and it was ok for me to feel like this and that I would come through this their was light at the other end of the tunnel. We spoke for a while and he made me understand what was going on and that that I was going to be ok.
Richard took over all the night feeds with Courteney, so I could get the rest I needed to help me get better. He was really good with me always there when I needed him, I put him through some crap over the four years I suffered this.
It got so bad that I could hear people coughing a mile of all those germs flying around and I couldnt cope with it, no more bus rides for me! Shopping trips were the hardest I would have my double buggy the two children in it and some one would cough that would send me fleeing from the shop all the while holding my breath trying not to breath until I got out.
And why do people like doom and gloom, here I was having panic attacks feeling as if the world was going to blow up and whenever you see someone they always have bad news to tell you, I would just stand there praying I was some where else, my body all tense wanting to run away as fast as I could, wanting to shout at then SHUT UP, I DONT WANT TO KNOW.
I went on like this for over 4 years; people must have thought I was a total freak, always something wrong with me. Bet they said whatever you do dont ask how she is youll get a list as long as your arm with whats wrong with her.
The doctors was the best bit, I had to go all the time for some reason or another if it werent for me then it was one of the kids, they just had to cough and they were at the doctors. Well I couldnt sit in the waiting room with all those ill people so I would make any excuse I could to wait outside they would call me when it was my time.
Did having PND change me, will I ever be the same person I was well its like this.
Yes it changed me, it changed my out look on life it also made me a more compassionate person. I still have panic attacks, few and far between but they are still there, I do tend to worry about my health a lot. I still to this day dont let my children far from my side; I see the danger in everything.
I knew I didnt feel right, I thought I was loosing my mind but I didnt no how to tell anyone how I was feeling , inside I was just waiting to die!
I walked around like a zombie most of the time always pretending that everything was fine but of course it wasnt. I had this thing about myself being ill and the children being ill, I was at my GPs nearly every day for some thing that I thought was wrong with me. I felt dizzy all the time, I just thought I was really ill and I was going to die.
I went on like this for months; I would disinfect the house and the toys all the time. If anyone dare come to house ill then I would ask then to leave.
By this time things got so bad that one day my mother was taking my niece and my two children to a Christmas fete and I decided that mine couldnt go. When my mum had gone myself and my sister were in the kitchen, she asked me what the hell was going on? Well I just slid down the cupboard crying and told her everything, from the thing with germs I had to the fact that I couldnt let anyone look after my children in case anything happened to them.
When my sister went to work she rang my GP to find out what was going on and was told I had PND (postnatal depression) and that I ad been told that ( I dont remember not that I was on this planet at the time) , I was expected to go and see him to talk it through. Like I could do that as far as I was concerned I had some terrible illness and it was only a matter of time till my children were left on their own ( not that they were my husband was around). The GP sent me some Prozac to take, which of course I didnt take as I needed to be in control (control thats laughable CONTROL I was far from in control). The feeling of being alone was unbearable; I woke up in the morning in total fear thats how my day was till bed time. Every night I would go to bed telling myself that tomorrow would be better, but when tomorrow came it was the same all over again.
I made everyone promise not to tell anyone that I had PND, what would people thick oh she cant cope or bad mother. I was just walking around in a daze most of the time , so aware of all the pains in my body everything hurt but still no one was allowed to get to close to my babies, I was the one to look after them and no one else.
Then one morning my mum walked in and gave me a number for woman suffering from PND, so I waited for everyone to go home then went upstairs to ring them.
My heart was thumping as I dialled the number, then this man answered it he had a very soft voice. I just started speaking telling him that I thought I was going mad then the tears started I couldnt stop crying, he was so kind telling me that everything was ok and it was ok for me to feel like this and that I would come through this their was light at the other end of the tunnel. We spoke for a while and he made me understand what was going on and that that I was going to be ok.
Richard took over all the night feeds with Courteney, so I could get the rest I needed to help me get better. He was really good with me always there when I needed him, I put him through some crap over the four years I suffered this.
It got so bad that I could hear people coughing a mile of all those germs flying around and I couldnt cope with it, no more bus rides for me! Shopping trips were the hardest I would have my double buggy the two children in it and some one would cough that would send me fleeing from the shop all the while holding my breath trying not to breath until I got out.
And why do people like doom and gloom, here I was having panic attacks feeling as if the world was going to blow up and whenever you see someone they always have bad news to tell you, I would just stand there praying I was some where else, my body all tense wanting to run away as fast as I could, wanting to shout at then SHUT UP, I DONT WANT TO KNOW.
I went on like this for over 4 years; people must have thought I was a total freak, always something wrong with me. Bet they said whatever you do dont ask how she is youll get a list as long as your arm with whats wrong with her.
The doctors was the best bit, I had to go all the time for some reason or another if it werent for me then it was one of the kids, they just had to cough and they were at the doctors. Well I couldnt sit in the waiting room with all those ill people so I would make any excuse I could to wait outside they would call me when it was my time.
Did having PND change me, will I ever be the same person I was well its like this.
Yes it changed me, it changed my out look on life it also made me a more compassionate person. I still have panic attacks, few and far between but they are still there, I do tend to worry about my health a lot. I still to this day dont let my children far from my side; I see the danger in everything.
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