I'm 24 yrs old and just had a baby girl 6 weeks ago and I also have a 4 1/2 year old son. I have had minor depression and anxiety problems in the past. I did have post traumatic stress disorder a couple of years ago, all of which I got over and went on with my life. When I was six months pregnant with the second one, I woke up one day and felt unhuman. I was so scared to live, felt so lonely and lost. Everyone said it was just hormones and it would get better once I had the baby. My OB put me on Prozac 20mg since I would be at a higher risk for PPD. I eventually had to increase to 30mg. It helped, but the feelings never did completely go away. It made it so difficult to get through the day. Taking care of my son wasn't easy. Work was a disaster. My boyfriend doesn't understand depression. I don't know if he even tries. I've tried to talk to him and he says he wants to be supportive, yet I see no effort. I don't know, maybe I expect too much. Anyway, once I had my daughter, I did experience the common overwhelming feeling of having a new baby, but I didn't think it was too bad. Then a week ago, it hit me like a truck. I feel so lonely. I feel withdrawn and worthless. I don't understand what my purpose on this earth is. I wouldn't ever commit suicide, but I just feel miserable and I don't understand why man upstairs keeps dealing all this to me. They say God won't give you what you can't handle. I'm not so sure. I feel I've reached my limit. I'm tired of feeling this way. I used to be a happy person who enjoyed life and my son. I want to be able to enjoy both of my children and it is so difficult. I hate to say this, but I don't find myself wanting to be with the baby. Yes I love her, but I feel withdrawn from her and it didn't start until the PPD did. My OB upped my Prozac to 40mg. I wouldn't think it would take long for the increase to work since the medication was already in my system, but I feel no improvement. I want to feel human and normal. I want to go do things with my man and my children and my friends. I want my life back. Any suggestions. I don't know where to go from here. I need help. The thought of this continuing much longer is so overwhelming!!!
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