This may sound terrible but I just can't help saying it. It seems that each day I see more and more people who are in terrible relationships, on government support (which there is nothing wrong with since I myself have had food stamps in the past) or single and can't figure out who the father is and yet they all have babies or children. When I was a in high school I did some things I am by no means proud of and when I found out that I had PCOS I felt it was God's way of punishing me for those things... and I still do. It absolutely breaks my heart. I am a cashier at Wal-Mart and when ppl come through my line with those little babies it's all I can do to keep from breaking down and crying until they're gone from my line. I end up most nights falling asleep in my husbands arms after I have layed there and cried for hours. It destroys me! My husband wants a baby almost as badly as I do and he tries not to bring it up in front of me but I know! The thought that I may never be able to have a child and facing the fact that he may leave for someone who can give him a family keeps me from being able to function like a normal person. He swears he would never leave me because of that and I do believe him but it's always in the back of my mind. I have absolutely no family support except from him. They all say we're too young, or we have plenty of time but they don't understand that I could possibly spend my entire life trying to have a baby only to never achieve that. who are they to say we don't need a baby? We have insurance, decent jobs, hardly any bills, a nice house and the desire to love a child which I believe is the most important thing. We plan on beginning foster parenting and possibly adopting early next year. I know that I would love any child we had as my own but the need, or the want to carry a child is so strong. I'm just so tired of crying all the time and being disappointed each month when my period starts or a round of clomid hasn't produced any results.....i just dont know any more!
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