Dear Friends. I need some feedback please from those of you who have been away from the abuse longer than me...(5 Months so far...). Why do I dream of him? Why do I still wish that he will show up and be the person I always thought he was during the dating stage, before the true him came out after we moved in together? Im trying so hard to be strong. I honestly dont know if I miss him, or if Im just grieving for myself, the person I was, the naive young girl who thought this older good looking man was my dream come true? My heart literally aches, throbs, remembering the good days, the tender side. But its also broken and betrayed, remembering the words, the slaps, the threats. The way I would stop breathing when I felt his anger, scared of where I was going to land when he was through with me. Whats wrong with me? Why do I miss him? I dont feel lonely without a man, so its not that. Maybe Im hurting because I had plans that he was my everything, my one and only, always. He promised me forever. But he didnt tell me forever was going to come with unshakeable fear and torture and bruises. Will I stop thinking of him? Will I stop missing him? His good side...his kisses, his laughter. Its so twisted. How can I get this man out of my head. I cry everyday. Some days because I think I miss him and some days because I flash back to a bad day. having asked him to leave and he did. I locked the door behind him and sat on the couch. Suddenly a loud crash and the whole front door, frame and all shot thru the hall. I couldnt breathe. I put my head between my knees and covered my ears. I could feel his breath on my face. \"Look at me right now b*tch. You dont ask or tell me to leave. I go when Im ready. Do you want to keep your arms? Do YOU??\". He never hit me but I swear I didnt breathe for a long time. He calmly walked to his tool chest and nailed up the frame. Picked up the door and told me I had two minutes to find shoes and get in the car. Went and got hinges and a lock, and he was \"Mr. Im Sorry I scared you baby. Whats for dinner?\" I just programmed myself to swallow it. I was embarrassed to tell anyone. I stayed. I was numb. I was no longer Sandy. Sorry for the long post. Just having a bad night, thinking too much....
Posts You May Be Interested In
I have had Ttp twice this year I'm 48 my doc said the next time Ttp happens they will take my immune system. Has anyone had this done? Does it work ? What other problems do u get?
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??