Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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why does my dad hate me?

my dad sais that everything is my fault...him and my mom are gonna get a divorce,and he sais it's my fault...when he hits me with stuff or chokes me or bangs my head up agaisnt the wall and the floor he sais it's my fault...i was in the bathroom in the tub,naked of course,taking a bath and he came in and started folding his cloths...i asked him to get out and he said that he use to change my diaper all the time when i was a baby,but i feel really uncomfortable with him standing there while i'm taking a bath becuase i'm 15,after a while i started screaming at him telling him to get out of the bathroom,he walked out,slammed the door behind him and called me a ungrateful whore...why doesn't he love...what in the hell did i do...i mean yea i argue with him alot and i've called him a prick and a bastard before...every since i was like 6 or 7 yearsold he's been calling me names and when i turned 9 is when he started getting pysically abusive...whats wrong with me...why am i so angry and depressed all the time...someone please help me...

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

OMG, sweety there IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.
You father has a problem.
PLEASE sweety talk to someone in your school a teacher or the director about what is going on at home.
Be careful to let them know that your father is very abusive, so that they DO NOT put you in a situation to be abused anymore.
Trust me, you have done nothing to deserve how your father is treating you.
I'm almost in tears that he's been doing it since your 6-7.
OMG, hunny.....You need someone to help somehow....You DO NOT DESERVE that kind of treatment!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hun you're angry and depressed becaused you're being abused!Its a normal reaction.
What your father is doing to you is not only not right its down right crimminal.
But be careful.
Reach out to others here, or go to kelseyspurpose.com and ask for advice there.
Your father doesn't show love because he probably doesn't know what love is.
nothing is your fault, you're a kid.
deleted_user
deleted_user

123angryone is right. What he is doing is CRIMINAL. You should talk to someone you trust - a school counselor, a youth pastor - they are required to report what is happening to you and keep you safe.

It IS totally appropriate for a father to change the diapers of a baby girl, but it is NOT appropriate for a father to be in the room while his 15 year old daughter is taking a bath. They are two totally different things. Would he let your bf do that? I think not, but your bf COULD change a diaper without any reproach.

What does your mother say about his behavior? What can she do to expedite you getting away from him? IF they are getting a divorce, it is best for either him to move out or you and her to leave NOW.

I don't pretend to know what you are going through with your dad, but I DO know what your mother is going through, because my ex-h was physically and sexually abusive toward my daughter. Please feel free to message me privately if you want to.
deleted_user
deleted_user

i told my mom that i think he is abusing me..we are on vacation..and she said she was gonna get me a psychologist,so i guess she thinks i'm crazy or something...i just wanna die right
deleted_user
deleted_user

i don't trust anyone that's why i've never told anyone what he does to me until i joined dailystrength.com...i still don't really trust anyone...
deleted_user
deleted_user

Seeing a psychologist doesn't mean you are nuts. Psychologists help people deal with whatever is bothering them, so seeing a good one may help you. But you'd need one who can help abused kids, because that is what you are.

In saying she's get you a psychologist, though, you mom put the "blame" on you; she saw this as your problem. It is her and your father's problem too but it seems they don't see that. They need to take responsibility for their part in everything (and so do you of course). Poor them and poor you.

How you are talking to your father is dangerous for you. He sounds like an angry, twisted, inconsiderate and insensitive man - a typical ABUSER (so you came to the right help group). Apart from that it just isn't working. I think you'll be smarter to tone it down so you don't provoke him. Also it achieves nothing good though I guess you feel a bit better for a moment when you vent your anger. You will be proud of yourself when you can be calm and civil even to someone behaving badly. I know because I have been through dealing with an abuser too. They can actually behave better if you are polite, but it depends.

How is your mom? Does she say bad things to your father too? You may just be copying her. Now you are a young adult, you can choose how to behave. You could say "Please would you not come into the bathroom when I am here?" I'm not saying it is easy. To start with it will be like learning a foreign language and it may help to keep a not book to collect polite phrases in. Believe me, you will feel just GREAT when you master this. And they will have no reason to scream back at you. Doesn't mean they won't, but you can see that then and you can be proud of how you at least are handling things.

It will not help to say outright to your parents what I have said, especially your father, so I hope you won't. But you could say back to your mother what you are specifically upset about, like your father coming into the bathroom when you are naked. It is very helpful in talking to people if we say clearly what is really bothering us. If we just call names, we sound crazy and angry and people may not take us seriously or may thing we are just twisted with hate. You could ask your mother to help and advise you. This puts the ball in her court.

Can you get a wedge to jam the door? When I was a kid i found that I could prop a chair inder the knob to hold the door shut. Depends on the door of course. There may be other ways.

All the best with this.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Sweetie, your mom doesn't think you are crazy, she is wanting you to get help in dealing with this. I hope and pray that she is seeing a counselor also, because SHE is going to need one as well. Rosie is right - therapists help perfectly SANE people deal with the stesses and strains of the things that life throws at them. One of your stresses and strains right now is that your father doesn't recognize NOR respect your boundaries, and that is a real problem. Your boundaries are NOT unreasonable and you DO potentially need help in drawing and enforcing those boundaries in ways that protects yourself and helps others to recognize them and respect them.

All I can say is that at least she didn't totally deny what was happening to you NOR did she excuse his behavior. This is a GOOD thing. Perhaps she is placing some blame like Rosie said, perhaps not. It is hard to tell from what you posted, but once you see a counselor, please be TOTALLY open and honest about what has happened to you. It will probably be hard and you will probably feel quite ashamed, but in the long run, it is the ONLY way that you can change your situation for the better.

PLEASE, please, please, do NOT do what my daughter did and totally clam up and refuse to talk about it. It led to VERY serious situations a few years later and she may never recover. I wish I had the foresight that your mother has and insisted on therapy for my daughter the moment that I became aware of her abuse. It might have warded off some serious heartbreak later.

Take care sweetie, and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
deleted_user
deleted_user

no i'm not copying my moms behavior...she told me that she doesn't love him anymore because one night after my mom and dad went to a party she was drunk and my dad invited one of his freinds over to the house and my mom dad and his freind (marty) had a threesome in the bathroom while me and my sister were asleep...thats another reason i hate my dad...oh and she told me last night that she probably can't afford a psychologist...so i'm probably never gonna get help...what am i gonna do now?
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hunny,
You know best but if i was you i would talk to child services they at least can get you a therapist for free, and monitor that you're not being abused.
But please don't do anything that may backfire.......I think you need to speak to someone, that he bangs your head against the wall and chokes you, sounds to me like serious abuse.
deleted_user
deleted_user

how do i get child services?
deleted_user
deleted_user

Here's 2 numbers of where to call, i'm posting them here in case anyone else is going through the same thing....Which is usually the case hun, sadly child abuse happens everyday....
1 800 4ACHILD or 1800 342 3720
Asking for advice won't hurt if your father gets really bad you got to protect yourself.
That goes for any other children reading this post.........You have rights! and there are people out there making sure you get them.
deleted_user
deleted_user

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. My dad says I am dead to him. It hurt so bad, it still does and I hope he is well. Just be careful, my dad was very abusive in his own behavioral thing but, sometimes we must move on and in time, let the healing endure itself.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Your mother should NOT NOT NOT have told you about the threesome.

Yes, you need assistance. Please look for it.
deleted_user
deleted_user

ok i'll do that
deleted_user
deleted_user

Great. Just take it carefully and make the most of what comes your way. You sound as if you will learn heaps and get stronger and wiser all the time.

It may help to keep a secret exercise book or notebook of phone numbers, names and information. You can then easily reaccess this and also it can help to pull it out and tell some dude who you have contacted already. Date the entries.

Also you could keep a journal of bad things that happen at home. Date it.

Keep these books WELL hidden from your parents.

I hope you are working on the rest of your life and are getting that into good order. Now is the time for planning for your future. Also make sure you are doing enjoyable things that are good for you.

All the best.