I sat down yesterday by myself and could not find an answer to any questions in my head. The past 5 months w/my husband has not been good. Since my 2nd miscarriage in February, 07 he's turned to drinking- so much that he doesn't come home some nights. I never know if he's alive or dead wrapped around a pole somewhere. He keeps telling me that he stays out to clear his head. Honestly I don't believe cheating is a factor but his absence from being home is getting worse. He just got a second DWI two nights ago which lead into a BIG fight between us. He was so enraged and he hit me in the side of the arm which I now have to wear a sweater to cover. I've been with him for 5 yrs. and he's never laid a hand on me. Since the miscarriage he's been verbally abusive- almost as if he blames me for failing twice but won't necessarily tell me that. Yesterday I really felt like he hated me. He doesn't even seem to care about the mark he left on my arm or the mark(s) he's leaving on my heart for being so hurtful to me. As we are in the process of building a home- ALL the responsibility is on my shoulders in all financial aspects. I truly don't know what to do with him anymore. I try to undertand that most of this stems from our bad experience but it is not an excuse to treat me as poorly as he has been for all these months. I'm hurting too over our misfortune but his emotions seem to take priority over mine (in his opinion). I've asked him to move out for a while & live with a friend but he doesn't want to. I really don't have anywhere I can stay- the apartment is mine. The house we're building is basically mine and if I leave I screw myself. I don't know whether to try and be understanding to him still because I've never seen this side of him but I don't want to waste anymore time if this is who he truly is. He needs to stop drinking because he is mostly abusive when he's drunk. I just don't know. All I do know is my heart has been breaking since losing my second baby and now I feel like I'm losing my husband. Any thoughts out there?
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