Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I met my husband my first year of college at college. I decided to study away from home, make sure I found me, and he was a local, 6 years older that had come to college after working hard labor. Things were great in the beginning, did have a little slip up and became pregnant and married all within 9 months of the date I met him. I did miscarry about a month before the wedding, should have stepped back in hindsight, but was in love, of course it was fine.
Anyway, first 5 years were pretty good. I did see his temper on a few occassions, didn't like the comments he made for me to hurry and grieve after my mother died ( was only 19), but really, most happened after our children started to come into the world, 8 years into our marriage. Since then and over time, little things set him off, everything is my fault, been called every name in the book, including a f*** C*** in front of his family when I tried to make a simple suggestion. We fight, he yells, breaks things, has punched holes in walls, yelled in my childs faces and slammed doors if he was woken up by a child in the night. I used to just break down and cry, then I used to yell back, now I just go silent, yelling is not me, I am a quiet person, I've just gone numb.
He has never laid a hand on me until recently, when he blamed me for him being sick (diabetes, runs in his family), and told me he was going to leave, all while he grabbed me and shoved me while he was yelling. Then the next day, the second I walked in after work, didn't say much and he told me to quit feeling sorry for myself, go to sleep and some other stuff. (All in front of my children). I have been feeling like crap over the last several years, like my soul is shriveling up and dying as I can't breathe the right way in his presence, I can't agree or disagree as I don't know where his head is at. He gets mad if I don't like something he does, and then other days gets mad if I don't have my own viewpoint and opinion.
I know I should have walked out years ago, but it's like a roller coaster. Everytime I'm ready to, he turns a little into the man I once fell in love with. Then, it gets tense and starts all over. I have had enough as he has started traveling a lot for his job this past year. After the initial anger of getting into this, realized, I was happy when he wasn't home, and my personality changes when he is. It has given me time to think and unfortunately at the same time, I have been having resetment build in me for years and cannot get incidents out of my head. I don't know where to start, I suggested counseling, but he doesn't think we have a problem. I have a hard time talking to him on most topics, but especially anything regarding money. I resorted to a letter hear and there when I need to get my words out as I know in person, they never come out as intended, or he makes fun of me and my feelings.
Help. Am I delutional or am I just hiding from the truth here? Are things going to get worse? I don't want to end up waiting until myself or worse, my children are physically harmed or mentally and emotionally harmed for life.
Anyway, first 5 years were pretty good. I did see his temper on a few occassions, didn't like the comments he made for me to hurry and grieve after my mother died ( was only 19), but really, most happened after our children started to come into the world, 8 years into our marriage. Since then and over time, little things set him off, everything is my fault, been called every name in the book, including a f*** C*** in front of his family when I tried to make a simple suggestion. We fight, he yells, breaks things, has punched holes in walls, yelled in my childs faces and slammed doors if he was woken up by a child in the night. I used to just break down and cry, then I used to yell back, now I just go silent, yelling is not me, I am a quiet person, I've just gone numb.
He has never laid a hand on me until recently, when he blamed me for him being sick (diabetes, runs in his family), and told me he was going to leave, all while he grabbed me and shoved me while he was yelling. Then the next day, the second I walked in after work, didn't say much and he told me to quit feeling sorry for myself, go to sleep and some other stuff. (All in front of my children). I have been feeling like crap over the last several years, like my soul is shriveling up and dying as I can't breathe the right way in his presence, I can't agree or disagree as I don't know where his head is at. He gets mad if I don't like something he does, and then other days gets mad if I don't have my own viewpoint and opinion.
I know I should have walked out years ago, but it's like a roller coaster. Everytime I'm ready to, he turns a little into the man I once fell in love with. Then, it gets tense and starts all over. I have had enough as he has started traveling a lot for his job this past year. After the initial anger of getting into this, realized, I was happy when he wasn't home, and my personality changes when he is. It has given me time to think and unfortunately at the same time, I have been having resetment build in me for years and cannot get incidents out of my head. I don't know where to start, I suggested counseling, but he doesn't think we have a problem. I have a hard time talking to him on most topics, but especially anything regarding money. I resorted to a letter hear and there when I need to get my words out as I know in person, they never come out as intended, or he makes fun of me and my feelings.
Help. Am I delutional or am I just hiding from the truth here? Are things going to get worse? I don't want to end up waiting until myself or worse, my children are physically harmed or mentally and emotionally harmed for life.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Or, is it still beneficial to seek one for myself? How about my children? I can say I have noticed my oldest having anger management issues, I've tried to explain and tell her it's not ok, some better ways to handle it. My middle child is starting to do the same thing, disrespect when angry. They are wonderful children, they just haven't been taught well in this area.
So, now, Truthfully, I just don't know where to find the answers.
Sorry for so many questions, but have been keeping this all to myself for so many years, kept thinking that since he wasn't hitting me, though I didn't like it, I had to fix it.
I appreciate your support and thoughts so far.
There is no magic pill you can take for courage. You just have to realize that if you cannot find it for yourself, then as a mother, you have to do the right thing for your children. I want to scream it from the rooftops. why do we women think it is worse for a child to have to go live in a shelter or live with some economic disadvantage for a time? NO. Those can be character building experiences, it all depends on how YOU react. Your children need whole mother, and one they can be proud of.... you have to become that woman. please. do it for them. Get out. Get help and support, go to family, friends, go to a shelter if you have to, but just do not take one more minute of abuse - it is killing you and your children. I KNOW in my soul that accepting abuse, living in that stress and insanity, was directly related to my cancer (and my doctor's agreed).... you body will physically manifest your DIS-EASE with your life sooner rather than later... it comes out in all of us in different ways, some women get rashes, allergies, colitis, anxiety attacks, ulcers, you name it, there are a million ways the body can manifest DIS-EASE.... Cancer is the final destination. Don't get to that point. Please get help. get support. Please just be courageous and do what you have to do for your children.
Is it possible for him to figure out what he's doing without help and actually trying or am I again mistaking the illusion?
And as far as that whole niceness when you are ready leave thing, they call it a hoover because it's their way of sucking you back in. It is a very common tactic with abusers. Good Luck and be strong. Do it for the kids.