Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
My Mother and I never really had a normal relationship. I was an only child for six years, and I suppose it really began when my sister was born, although I don't remember all of it. In fact-I don't remember a lot of my childhood perhaps because I have inadvertently blocked it out.
I can't say it was always bad, and the abuse didn't really become apparent until I was around 11 or 12.
My Mother came from a very abusive situation herself as a child. She was molested by her step father (who up until only about five years ago, thought was her real father). She raised her brothers because he was a drunk and her mom had to work three jobs to make ends meet. I admire her for her strength but I see so many weaknesses in her that leaked out toward me.
My parent's marriage was not bliss. I think they loved each other, but they were forced to marry when Mother became pregnant with me. They were young-17 to be exact.
Although we have spoken about the past and I have told her that it's done and overwith, and she has apologized to me for the things she did, she still refuses to see me as the woman that I have become. For a while, we got along beautifully and woudl talk on the phone for hours almost every day. But when I told her that I did not want to discuss her disgrutnlements she carried for my sisters, she stopped talking to me. What was happening, you see is that she would share her feelings with me, then call them and make it sound like I had been the one gossiping about their affairs. I finally realized this was happening and said-enough is enough.
It's been two years, and our last conversation was spent with me defending myself repeatedly for things that she thought I was doing, or feeling she thought I had. She didn't want to hear the good things I have done with my life. She holds my divorce over my head, she holds the past over my head and I don't know how to make her see that her and I aren't so different in a lot of ways.
This has been my biggest stuggle. I miss my Mom...but I don't know how to make her accept me and see me for who I am and what I have become.
I can't say it was always bad, and the abuse didn't really become apparent until I was around 11 or 12.
My Mother came from a very abusive situation herself as a child. She was molested by her step father (who up until only about five years ago, thought was her real father). She raised her brothers because he was a drunk and her mom had to work three jobs to make ends meet. I admire her for her strength but I see so many weaknesses in her that leaked out toward me.
My parent's marriage was not bliss. I think they loved each other, but they were forced to marry when Mother became pregnant with me. They were young-17 to be exact.
Although we have spoken about the past and I have told her that it's done and overwith, and she has apologized to me for the things she did, she still refuses to see me as the woman that I have become. For a while, we got along beautifully and woudl talk on the phone for hours almost every day. But when I told her that I did not want to discuss her disgrutnlements she carried for my sisters, she stopped talking to me. What was happening, you see is that she would share her feelings with me, then call them and make it sound like I had been the one gossiping about their affairs. I finally realized this was happening and said-enough is enough.
It's been two years, and our last conversation was spent with me defending myself repeatedly for things that she thought I was doing, or feeling she thought I had. She didn't want to hear the good things I have done with my life. She holds my divorce over my head, she holds the past over my head and I don't know how to make her see that her and I aren't so different in a lot of ways.
This has been my biggest stuggle. I miss my Mom...but I don't know how to make her accept me and see me for who I am and what I have become.
You can't make her accept you, you can only make YOU accept you. That's where you are dropping the ball. Your mother's high opinion of you, no matter how much you want it, clearly isn't forthcoming. Fine. Where is your own opinion of you? When did her opinion of you start to matter more to you than your own? You will never make her see anything she either can't or won't see. On the other hand, you can accept a somewhat more "superficial" relationship with her and still be friends. It may not be what you want, but it also may not be forever. She just may need time.
Want to know why I'm saying all this? Because i lived it. My Mom is barely accepting of me and i know it. Took me FOREVER to understand exactly what i just told you. I wanted her approval, her acceptance, her pride in me to show and it never did. Finally dawned on me one day that she just can't. I don't know why, and i may never know why and that's ok. As long as I accept myself, approve of myself and take pride in my own accomplishments i don't need hers. She and I know have a friendly and caring relationship, but it's nowhere near as close as a mother and daughter should be.