Hi Chanjohn. Unfortunately, I don't have an answer, but I do understand what you are going through. I question myself all the time as to...did I make a big deal out of something, was it something I said, was I jumping to conclusions? It's so frustrating and makes you feel like you are going crazy. I feel your pain. Hang in there!

No one can be completely normal. The important thing is to figure out what is healthy and feels right. Then you are just about normal.

Sometimes i just wish there was a book or something that had a "normal everything" in it and we could just compare everything to it and know what it is we need to change or what it is we're doing right.

Unfortunetely there is not.
So we're stuck?

I know that you have to help yourself get strong again.Then you will be able to decifer what is normal and what is not.help yourself get healthy again.be strong .I hope everything turns out good for you.

Nobody is the clone of perfection. But you have learnt what you do not want through your past relationships.

So get a bit of paper. Write down a list of attributes that will HAVE to be on the list of what your future guy has - eg.
kindness
empathy
enjoyment of socialising with friends
time to meet up with you
a job in the same city
between the ages of...and...

Then do the same with attributes you refuse to put up with e.g.
flaring up anger
making fun of people and pulling them down
not wanting to be part of your life
no job, and won't even try to look for one
drinking heavily

When you make your list you will realise that no-one will be all the good things all the time, but your future guy should be these things most of the times unless severly provoked.

Also - we all know we are capable of our faults - e.g. getting angry - but there is a time and a place and a provokation for most people. Not just because you were 5 mins later home from work than he expected...
---------------
Then 2 things to do:
I would do a little dedication ritual. I would like a candle (pink? aaah) and dedicated my desire to seek a partner with those attributes for the right time, in the right way, for the best possible purposes of love.

Then I would light a second candle (black? or Green?) and state firmly that I will not tolerate the abusive attributes and that I am "seeking someone without these attributes."

Then let your candles burn right down (keep an eye out).

This ritual teaches your mind, and symbolises it in a tangible, physical way, what you want, and what you are pulling towards yourself. Your "psyche" will remember it all the more because you did an action along with the thinking.

Good luck.

keziah has said it very well.
I have no idea what is 'normal', i have spent 2 years working on me and my journey continues everyday, i spend hours on me and my wellbeing.
I will not commit to anyone until i am in full control of all of me(mental, physical, spiritual etc) I only know for me, it is dealing with each day at a time untill the traumas become less often, less severe, i do therapy goups and counselling in which i re-learn about life and challenges and how to be true to me.
So i know i am on my way to being healed and overall happy with me. It is a long treck, but absolutely amazing.

oh dear, tell me about it i was abused all my childhood and my marriage of 15 years now is been a roller coaster,my husband cheated on me lied through his teeth, emotionally i am a rack, i wanted a divorce for over 10 years and because we have children i just keep hanging on but my husband is a bully, manipulative a liers and a cheat, and now i myself dont know what normal is, people have treated me so bad that if something nice happens to me i feel guilty too, what a crap life, i was mentally, physically and verbally abused until i was 17, i had no parents people just took advantage of me, and now am 33 and i feel exactly how you feel. I wish to know what normal is too and that is a question that i long wonder, so you and i are in the same boat. xxxx

A good start is to heal. Take some time to get to know the real you and when you feel you are emotionally, mentally and spiritually in a great place, you'll attract people like that hopefully. Just like someone said, make a list and try to find those qualities in that person.

Therapy is a good way to start healing. Keep going, even if you think it is draining, in the end you will feel more whole.

You'll know its the right person for you, if you follow your instincts after you have done your therapy and healing.