Hi everyone. I am a newbie here. I am currently separated from my husband. I have 4 sons and my youngest has type 1 diabetes. I left my husband with my sons in early October. We came from Texas to Illinois where my parents live. I have been in therapy since January. My husband and I began it as marriage counseling but he walked in on our second appointment and said that he didn't want to be there. He spent many of those sessions just keeping quiet or fighting our therapist's suggestions. We started seeing our therapist separately. I would go weekly and DH would go every other week if that. From mid-July until mid-September he only went one time.

I was told several times in my therapy sessions that Jason is depressed and has several issues that he refuses to deal with. I was told once during the summer that he is using emotional blackmail and is being emotionally abusive to me. My therapist has repeatedly been reminding me that this isn't me. That this was going to happen no matter what or who he was with. My husband is in the military and has been through two deployments since 2003.

When I went in to her for our last appointment and I told her that I was leaving, she told me that it is interesting about emotional abuse. That it is not looked upon as a serious problem. No one will come running if someone who is being emotionally abused calls. She has told me it is the most damaging.

I am looking back and wondering what did I do wrong? I know I got mad for his withdrawal. I know I was clingy at times. I know I am hurt that he has an online affair and he refuses to end it. I know I controlled the finances to a control freak degree. I also know I was working on my self-esteem, codependent issues. I learned to let go of the finances even though I was afraid that we would lose a lot of money.I started going back to school. I began going to the gym. I started to regain my life.

My husband has told me that I am an awful mother. He has held the threat of leaving over my head if I do not change. He says he will wait to see what changes will come about to see if he will stay. He has been sleeping on the floor and not wearing his wedding ring for months now. He never went about learning about our son's diabetes. He is always on the computer. He claims that I was never there for him and also that he feels that I only take him down off of a shelf when I want him. He is the one who shoved me away.

He has been playing favorites with the kids. He dotes on our oldest son. If our oldest asks for something it is an automatic yes. If the others ask he will deny them. He asked me to stop the kids from running up to him when he came home from work.

I know I yelled at the kids more than I should have. I know my frustrations were coming out in the wrong way. I have been working on that. I have gotten a lot better. My therapist here, because I got one immediately when I moved here, said of course I was having problems with the kids. I was constantly protecting them from their father. I was constantly on egg shells. That it shows we were in the wrong place because of how much improvement there has been in all of us since we moved.The kids and I have gotten a lot better since we left. The tantrums from my 5 year old have gone away. They are nicer to each other and to me.

The day I told the kids that we were leaving they helped me pack. My husband doesn't believe that at all. It is true though. Since the move here I have heard a lot of homesickness but very little being upset about not having their father around. My 8 year old thanked my father for letting him come to where we are. When he found out that DH's parents were visiting he asked if they went to see him because they found out he was being mean to us. I haven't said these things to them. This is them on their own. I am being very careful about what is said and was before too.

I am beginning to accept that I was being abused and that it had filtered further down to the kids than I thought it had. I am here writing to you all because maybe I can get some support from people who may understand.

DH called to talk to the kids the other night. He only calls 2x a week and that was his own decision. Anyway he said that he wanted to speak with me about where this separation is going. During our conversation i felt yet again that my words were being twisted around and that he wasn't listening. He was explaining to me that he was willing to have us come back home. Not wanting..willing. That he feels that he was treated very wrongly by me. That he dreaded coming home to psycho b**** after work. That he is hurt that I left with the kids. He did take note that it seems as though we are doing very well up here. He also said that he feels as though I never listen to him. 'That he believes I lied to the kids about why I took them and left. Our 10 year anniversary is Monday and I sent him a gift for it. (My therapist thinks I went above and beyond what I should have done by sending him a gift.) He told me that he was waiting to see our phone call would go before he decides whether he wants to send me a gift.

I am still questioning my decision to leave. I am terrified he will get the kids even though everyone has told me he really doesn't want them. Including my therapist here. I have been told that leaving was the right thing to do. That this could have kept going on for years. I am wondering whether I got too angry. Whether I really was acting psycho. Did I do this? Am I just in denial?

--Sara