Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
We had started (Im not sure if you know) Guiding Angels Ministries, which is a
recently founded church (by us) and we are focused on helping victims and their
families of Domestic Violence...we were working at the Salvation Army but they
fired us because of it (and they also found out we are "Christian" another long
story).
Well one cashier Jim has been helping "M" they have been getting pretty
close...I was afraid of him leaving me for her...yes jealousy reared its ugly
head...well last night they were on the phone and Jim had said something to me
and she had heard it and hung up
He went off! Punching the fridge, smashing the frame we had the charter in...I
called M and asked her to talk to him because he was so upset about losing her
friendship...to hell with me and my fears naturally its all about him and her
and their "feelings" that he claims is nothing more than a Minister/client
relationship
She has been talking to him since then but he is still claiming he doesnt
blame me or is angry with me but his actions bespeak otherwise. He is still
angry about her hanging up on him last night because of my jealousy? I realize
that it may have been wrong, but Im still human last time I checked lol and do
not think that I necessarily did anything wrong. If you all could hear the way
he talks to her and the way his face lights up when he does talk to her you
would wonder. He laughs it off as "Oh she is like my daughter and sister. I love
you with all my heart and soul and would never do anything to hurt you" Oh yea?
Then how come Im up here and you're down there with the girls and you gave me
back the key!? That's not hurting both of us? How come Im sitting here feeling
like **** like Im living with my ex husband!?
So now hes telling me if I dont go downstairs and talk to him "civilly" like I
had done something terribly wrong he is leaving.
My jealously or fear got in the way and made him mad
So in my eyes (because of prior abuse) that translates as "Its all your fault
this happened"
You cannot argue with a damn drunk!
He wont understand but yet I dont understand anything is what he always tells
me.
Which again translates to me, as "You're stupid"
He was abused himself by his father...he saw his mother beaten. his wives
abused him too. So its not like hes a stranger to it
But he feels because hes been dealing with it since early childhood it makes
him an expert.: No one is an authority, or an "expert" on dv, it doesnt work
that way
We experience it in different ways and deal with it the same different ways
I want to be a fly on the wall with his daughters, I can hear him talking to
them and I know hes filling their heads with crap about me..
I dont want them to think I dont love them just because I shut the tv off this
morning because none of our kids wanted to listen! I said I wanted to smack all
4 kids because I told them 5 times in an hour to clean up the living room this
morning and all 4 of them (his and mine) just sat there and ignored me
I tried to tell him I wasnt singling out his girls...my boys were in that too
Doesnt mean I was actually going to. Eh I dont know, I love the man dearly but
Im wondering if it is worth all this crap.
He keeps telling me he isn't going anywhere until I ask him to leave and I
keep telling him I wont do that, but Im wondering if I actually should. All this
crap today started over a darn DVD! How stupid is that!?
But I cant live walking on eggshells. Here I am talking to the girls on the
web, and yet I seem to still be in it...makes me feel like a fake
What kind of Minister am I if I cant even solve my own problems?
My boys are going to be so devastated if he does leave and takes his girls
too...they love them! Somebody please give me some advice! I am so tempted to
walk downstairs and give him a piece of my mind but I wont do that. The boys are
sleeping and I do not want to wake them. I wont lower myself to his tactics of
"Im better than you." I hear it enough. Please help!
recently founded church (by us) and we are focused on helping victims and their
families of Domestic Violence...we were working at the Salvation Army but they
fired us because of it (and they also found out we are "Christian" another long
story).
Well one cashier Jim has been helping "M" they have been getting pretty
close...I was afraid of him leaving me for her...yes jealousy reared its ugly
head...well last night they were on the phone and Jim had said something to me
and she had heard it and hung up
He went off! Punching the fridge, smashing the frame we had the charter in...I
called M and asked her to talk to him because he was so upset about losing her
friendship...to hell with me and my fears naturally its all about him and her
and their "feelings" that he claims is nothing more than a Minister/client
relationship
She has been talking to him since then but he is still claiming he doesnt
blame me or is angry with me but his actions bespeak otherwise. He is still
angry about her hanging up on him last night because of my jealousy? I realize
that it may have been wrong, but Im still human last time I checked lol and do
not think that I necessarily did anything wrong. If you all could hear the way
he talks to her and the way his face lights up when he does talk to her you
would wonder. He laughs it off as "Oh she is like my daughter and sister. I love
you with all my heart and soul and would never do anything to hurt you" Oh yea?
Then how come Im up here and you're down there with the girls and you gave me
back the key!? That's not hurting both of us? How come Im sitting here feeling
like **** like Im living with my ex husband!?
So now hes telling me if I dont go downstairs and talk to him "civilly" like I
had done something terribly wrong he is leaving.
My jealously or fear got in the way and made him mad
So in my eyes (because of prior abuse) that translates as "Its all your fault
this happened"
You cannot argue with a damn drunk!
He wont understand but yet I dont understand anything is what he always tells
me.
Which again translates to me, as "You're stupid"
He was abused himself by his father...he saw his mother beaten. his wives
abused him too. So its not like hes a stranger to it
But he feels because hes been dealing with it since early childhood it makes
him an expert.: No one is an authority, or an "expert" on dv, it doesnt work
that way
We experience it in different ways and deal with it the same different ways
I want to be a fly on the wall with his daughters, I can hear him talking to
them and I know hes filling their heads with crap about me..
I dont want them to think I dont love them just because I shut the tv off this
morning because none of our kids wanted to listen! I said I wanted to smack all
4 kids because I told them 5 times in an hour to clean up the living room this
morning and all 4 of them (his and mine) just sat there and ignored me
I tried to tell him I wasnt singling out his girls...my boys were in that too
Doesnt mean I was actually going to. Eh I dont know, I love the man dearly but
Im wondering if it is worth all this crap.
He keeps telling me he isn't going anywhere until I ask him to leave and I
keep telling him I wont do that, but Im wondering if I actually should. All this
crap today started over a darn DVD! How stupid is that!?
But I cant live walking on eggshells. Here I am talking to the girls on the
web, and yet I seem to still be in it...makes me feel like a fake
What kind of Minister am I if I cant even solve my own problems?
My boys are going to be so devastated if he does leave and takes his girls
too...they love them! Somebody please give me some advice! I am so tempted to
walk downstairs and give him a piece of my mind but I wont do that. The boys are
sleeping and I do not want to wake them. I wont lower myself to his tactics of
"Im better than you." I hear it enough. Please help!
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Seeing inside our own relationships is always more difficult than seeing inside someone else's. Sweetie, you know full well that he is verbally and emotionally abusing you. You see and it you react to it and you know you do. His one physical ourburst of punching the wall is a harbinger of things to come. His anger and hostility is escalating and you are his target of choice. Anytime someone says to you "either you do X or I will do Y..." you already know how controlling that is. You can't work in the environment you work in and not know that. Anytime someone says "you don't understand anthing" that is them telling you that your opinons are worthless. They know exactly what to say to get exactly the response they want from you. Abusers want you on your knees in front of them ready to jump every time they say so. Where you are getting stuck is knowing what to do about it.
I understand that this man has seen abuse in his past, but he knows EXACTLY what he is doing to you. His affections are elsewhere now and it's all your fault. You aren't actually buying that are you? This is him being controlling. Abuse isn't about anger, its about inappropriate power and control. This man has innappropriate power and control right now in your house. And its not just directed at you. He is also doing a good job of seperating his girls from your boys. Every time he says you favor the boys he is favoring the girls and all of them see that. Maybe not consiously, but they do see it and feel it.
Honey what bothered me the most was your one comment that "you can't argue with a drunk." Is alcohol abuse another problem of his? My abuser was my alcoholic ex-husband. I am speaking from a lengthy and painful past regarding this. IF he is drinking, you are dealing with 2 problems. First the drinking and second - the abuse. They are related but they are not the same problem.
Stay strong, stay safe, and let us hear from you. If you need to talk, feel free to message me.
You didnt hurt me....you simply told me the truth..something not many people know how to do...Its easy to vent online simply because that most people online are more open then others in rl as strange as that sounds.
My point to him was just because he has experienced abuse does not make him immune to being an abuser and for me to sit here feeling like Im still with my ex just shows me he is and I am still a victim.
I know the cycles of abuse....I know the harm to a family alcohol can bring. I have told his girls and my boys neither of them was singled out for what happened over last morning. They were all to blame for not listening to me and not cleaning up. I let the girls know that whatever happens I love them and they are not to blame if their Da and I do split.
I also told them that if Da wants to keep this relationship going then we would sit down and discuss it..but if we dont...then no harm.
No one ever said (irregardless of abuse or not) that relationships were easy.