Hi, firstly can I say you are doing really well. You have recognized the problem and you are dealing with it. You are strong and you do not deserve to be treated like this. When I was speaking to a DV professional I said "if I had to make the choice I would rather have another beating than the mental abuse." She looked at me shocked and said "I don't understand?" After I had given my presentation she came up to me and said "now I understand." I have had both forms of abuse and while the bruises fade and broken bones knit it is the mental and emotional scars - those invisible breaks and bruises that for me were the hardest to heal.
Abusers are extremely clever people who play on our need to be loved and needed. You need to learn to accept that love and approval both for and from yourself, then you will really heal and meet someone who will treat you as you should be treated. Take your time and find out who you really are and what you really want from life. Talk to your friends both here and in real life, you are welcome to talk to me if you think it will help.
Remember he can push your buttons, but it is up to you if you react to them. You are strong, beautiful and wonderful, yours is the power - not his. Big hugs, Viv XXXX

I think right now being alone probably isn't your best option. Stay with and around people as much as possible. Get into some activities, go to a movie with a friend, stay busy.

The only sense I've gotten from being with a string of boyfriends who have been verbally & emotionally and sometimes physiclly abusive is from domestic violence center counseling. I got understood. I got referred books (verbally abusive relationship by patricia evans). i'm an avid reader and it helps so much to identify and know I'm not alone. I tend to blame myself, yes i'm not perfect, no it is not my fault, though it is my responsibility to deal w/ it. You are not alone, the more understanding and help and support you can get from someone who understands the better you will feel and the more hope you will have. HUG

I believe that you have realized the mental abuse. I, like Vivienne also would rather have beatings then to suffer emotionally abuse, you can heal from bruisings and such, but the scars from the mental abuse seems like they haunt you forever. I think you are doing a wonderful job at not reacting to him. I know that you really want too. I'll tell you what my ex actually told me that he fed on me, cursing him out..he said any contact was better than no contact. That is when I realized that very day, that enough was enough. Abusers will take any contact good or bad from us. Keep going and stay strong!! **Hugs**