everyone says \"if you dont let it go, your abuser still has a hold on you, so you have to let it go\". God really? Why didnt I think of that? Im sorry, I am here for help in getting over the abuse too, but the question is \"how\" to let it go, not \"should I\" let it go. It will never go away. I dont see how it can. A person I loved, trusted, shared my soul to betrayed me and killed my soul. I am different now and always will be. I am colder, more isolated, scared, angry, untrusting. I hate the new me!!!! And I cant escape the flashbacks of him beating me. I cant erase the memories of the way his eyes stared at me while choking me. I cant ever forget the way he sat lazily back in his chair aiming a rifle at me. I cant forget the way he told me how much I deserved that punch in my gut, and how he later joked about the way I lost my breath and fell to the floor. This is my life now. An abused nothing who took it. Day after day after mind numbing day. I will forever feel this pain, forever feel anger for allowing someone else so much control. I will forever think of him as the demon he became and feel heartache for the guy he once was so long ago. Why was I even born? What a waste! This is me now. Forever. All the help in the world will never make me feel worthy again. Its destroyed and I hate him for it.
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