Welcome serenitystar...

Thankyou..I am SO glad that 'anything' I contribute here, has helped you.

I feel very lucky, because I came here over a year ago, having been 'beaten' one night by my husband,(for talking briefly to an ex at a party??).

At the time I knew what he had done to me was very wrong, and a step too far for me..and also I knew it wasn't 'right' the way he had treated me for so long before that night, and how wrong it had been that I had been so lonely and hurtfilled and unhappy because of his treatment of me.. on and off, for so long, and I also knew that it was time for me to end my marriage for good, but I had NO clue about 'abuse'.

It was through this forum that I discovered things that changed how I looked at what had been happening to me, forever.

At the time, I hadn't had a clue that there actually were terms and 'names' for ALL the things he had being doing to me, and had done to me, and names for all his varied 'abusive' behaviours. I also had no idea that he was an 'abuser'..who I could read about, as if others had known him, EXACTLY as I did. I also discovered, that its all about 'control'.

I found in depth information, which was like it was written by someone who had known him REALLY well?..I found that incredible.

I also found out that he was 'definitively' and classifiably 'abusive', and that all I had experienced, was par for the course, when living with, and dealing with an abuser.

This helped me SO much, it validated me, and for the first time, it all made some sense, even though sense seems too 'good' a word, for the behaviours I had been subjected to.

I am now so relieved to have left him, and although I am still recovering from it all in ways, things are now much better, and much easier, and I now, at last, have a new found peace in my life. Though I wish I had left, sooner.

I hope you get as much out of here as I have done, and still do,

I am also now no longer being emotionally abused to the point of severe distress, and I now live without someone I love, continueing to unexpectedly and deliberately cause me pain. Emotionally, mentally or physically. The freedom from it now, is so great.

So if I can help just one other person, discover what I have since discovered, to me that will have helped also to make all I went through and endured, something worthwhile.

All knowledge is power, and awareness can empower us to see things for what they really are, and then we can hopefully decide, much more clearly, what to do next, and when enough is enough.

I discovered that 'abusers' do not change, the majority continue to deny their behaviour, and instead, they blame you. (which mine also did).

This also really helped me realise, that it was time to give up all hope of him ever changing.

Keep coming here...and hopefully you will get all the information that you need, which will help you see, that 'abuse' can be classified, is documented, and that you deserve WAY better for your life.

Especially from someone who is supposed to 'love' you, but who instead, thrives off giving you pain without any empathy for the pain they cause you.

Wishing you eventual peace and freedom ahead too! And welcome, and good to meet you!...I hope you can find a lot of the help I also got here.

Its been my lifeline..and I hope it will be yours too. We all deserve an 'abuse' free life..heres to you getting one too..

Well Vonnie, you just summed up my recent experience about realizing I am being abused. My situation, as I've mentioned, is abuse on an extremely stealth, covert, mind f-ing level, so I never made the connection that I was a "victim of abuse". I made special efforts to heal from my childhood abuse, to get sober, and grow in a way that I hadn't under my parents care before I got married or had kids. So when I got married, I picked a "patient", "quiet", non-alcoholic mate. As much as I thought I knew, turns out I missed the big one and ended up marrying an abuser, as my mom had. I knew he wasn't "right" over the years and I researched and found out what he was...narcissistic, no empathy, self centered on his own pain, self centered period. Knowing this for me was a way of knowing what I was up against and accepting the fact that he his damaged and could never give me what I wanted, and lived within those parameters with him. But that's where I left it. I never took the next step in asking how it affected ME! He was a problem I had to figure out, and I did, and that was that. How sick am I to not ask the simple yet profound question, "How is it affecting me?" At the end of the day, that is what matters. Period. Not that I understand him, how he became this way, or what it's like to be him. I am humbled by my lack of insight on this very basic level.
So now I know I have to keep asking myself how his f-ed up mental disorder is affecting me, and lead from there, and so I will. Vonnie, you called me on that and I thank you for that...it spurred me to do some self searching and consequently, reach another level of understanding.

"May you have the hindsight to know where you've been
the foresight to know where you're going
and the insight to know when you're going too far". An Irish Blessing

I would like to thank Vonnie too.....

V, you are a very dear friend.....yes, you post lots of info on here but people dont realise just how much you support people privately too!

Friends always V.....you keep it real chick....xx

i have to say thank you vonnie as well.you always help me ..it really helps.so i wanted you to know that....