I am sorry that you are so bitter and angry. I am so sorry that you have been hurt so badly. I hope that you will be able to work through this and continue with your healing.
I am sorry to contradict you, but from the research I have done on this subject men have not actually had the upper hand historically. There are paintings and etchings that go way back showing men being beaten and also court reports - one of which states that a man had to be jailed for his own safety from his wife.
The enemy here is abuse itself - not the gender of the abuser. Until this is realised we will still be caught in this trap of blaming and hating a specific gender which detracts from the good work that can and must be done.
1 in four women are currently being abused given the figures - one in six men also - this means one in five people are victims of abuse - and that is only the reported figures, the true figure is much higher. It is this that we need to look at and stop the blame game - this helps no one.
I wish you a safe and peaceful healing. Viv

i feel this way at times...i'm glad to hear i'm not alone there...
i can't really believe it even though i have these days =/
i'm suspect of any guy...not just here.

For me, it's wrong to hate guys,...and i usually snap out of it after a lil while. but i do have reasons to be careful. I've run into a few on here who i believe are genuine. I hope you find some too.

something that helped me was this song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlyylf0enEc

i've seen goodmen... seriously
they're out there. not tryin to disagree,...just trying to offer some hope.

There are good men out there. I used to think the same thing as you when I got out of my abusive relationship.
I am now in a relationship (five years now) to a wonderful man who has never yelled at me, never been abusive in any way, and always respects me even when he does not agree with me. Don't lose faith they are out there.

Sweetie, I know that you have no reason to trust anyone any more. One thing that scared me to death after I left my husband was meeting many women like you who have gone from one abusive relationship to another. Since then, however, I have run into women who have wonderful and adoring husbands who had been abused by a former husband. I KNOW that there are good ones out there, so the trouble comes in finding them. I don't know what to say in that regard, because I am in the same position as you are in trying to determine if a potential relationship will turn sour like the relationship with my husband did.

All I know is that the need to be rescued from abuse puts you in a position to be abused again, because, like you said, an abuser can easily mask himself as a rescuer. The only way to around that is to heal enough on your own that you are comfortable either in a relationship or not. The need for mutual companionship has to outweigh the need for compansionship, so in order for you to maintain any sort of control in the relationship, you have to be ready and able to leave it. You have to trust yourself as much as you trust anyone else in being able to guide the relationship towards your need rather than it being all about his.

Spend time now alone and unattached and become confident and comfortable with that. Find friends to fill the void of companionship and seek therapy to deal with your anger and resentment. In time you will discover people who have good solid relationships and then study those values and characteristics. I hope and pray that you can find someone to ease those fears you have about all men.

One note on history - yes, men have historically had the upper hand. Since the time of Christ (and even before) women were seen as property, not companions. Women were left to tend to the house and have children in order to fulfill their purpose on earth. It wasn't until the 1900's that women have reached any equal status to men. Thousands of years of patriarchy is not going to change over night. It wasn't until the 1920s that beating a wife was considered illegal. At that time, being illegal, the only thing this did was give a woman grounds for divorce. Until the 1970's, the only grounds for divorce were battery and adultry. Domestic violence did not become a criminal offence until the 1970's with the civil rights and women's liberation movement. There are matriarchal cultures, where the eldest woman in the family is the "ruler" of the family, but those cultures are few, and many have come and gone throughout the ages. One of the more interesting cultures exists in Africa, where the family units are matriarchal (run by the women), but the political structure is patriarchal (run by men). Men have typically had the upper hand in ruling society because they could - they have the physical strength to fight the wars. They have used that strength to maintain control of societies, etc. Rules being generated by men were enacted to help keep them in control. It is a hard cycle to break, but in the past 50 years women have made strides that are light years ahead of where we were 100 years ago. 100 years ago women couldn't even vote.

thank you revpatty

"All I know is that the need to be rescued from abuse puts you in a position to be abused again, because, like you said, an abuser can easily mask himself as a rescuer."

i've been determined to stand on my own before getting involved again. you reinforced that idea for me. I thought i was prolly going overboard.

Viv, please research the date women were granted the right to vote in America and the acts that led up to it. Also please research the department of justice statistics for the last 20 years. I would also recommend you read the violence against women act - since you are researching.

there is a simple answer here bryony, if you think all the men on this website are abusive and you can't trust them, then Don't. I was always taught that you cant trust anyone on the internet anyway. I would never talk to a guy of here through email or on the phone or even meet up. not because I think theyre all abusive, but because its the internet and they could be anybody!

It is a shame that there are men out there that are abusers, however, I am a man and I am in a relationship with a woman who feels like she has to be in control, in the process emotionally abusing me and verbal assaulting me to the point of me almost having a complete meltdown at work. I have never abused her in any way, nor would I