
Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

deleted_user
not being funny but theres no way on earth i can trust a man.
why should i?
tell me why i should and they arent all the same....because all the abusive ones have said 'oh but im not like that' or 'well you dont have to trust me' BLAH.
its bull, this website is a prime target for abusers. you may not of thought of that but i know this is a fact - its like a breeding ground for undercovers.
all charmers, all "victims", all sweet and funny and intelligent. but i know better - i have my doubts about how sincere some of the people are on here that even i know. i know it sounds harsh but its my opinion. i know it sounds closed minded,
but how the hell could you - as a women tell or know before its too late?
men have the upper hand in all things - and when we note this apparently we as women are sexist or are being over-the-top. but it is true that men from back in ancient times all the way up till now have been in control.
men love it when they are in control - the adrenaline rush, the power, the phyiscal power.... to know someone elses weaknesses so you can gain a point... i know a lot of you may be defensive about this but i have seen and been through manipulation at its best. i know how it ticks and how these abusers tick... and even though i find it hard to let go of any said person, its out of dissapointment because they are basically-
all the same to some extent - minor or major. they think the same.
sex and violence.
end of
why should i?
tell me why i should and they arent all the same....because all the abusive ones have said 'oh but im not like that' or 'well you dont have to trust me' BLAH.
its bull, this website is a prime target for abusers. you may not of thought of that but i know this is a fact - its like a breeding ground for undercovers.
all charmers, all "victims", all sweet and funny and intelligent. but i know better - i have my doubts about how sincere some of the people are on here that even i know. i know it sounds harsh but its my opinion. i know it sounds closed minded,
but how the hell could you - as a women tell or know before its too late?
men have the upper hand in all things - and when we note this apparently we as women are sexist or are being over-the-top. but it is true that men from back in ancient times all the way up till now have been in control.
men love it when they are in control - the adrenaline rush, the power, the phyiscal power.... to know someone elses weaknesses so you can gain a point... i know a lot of you may be defensive about this but i have seen and been through manipulation at its best. i know how it ticks and how these abusers tick... and even though i find it hard to let go of any said person, its out of dissapointment because they are basically-
all the same to some extent - minor or major. they think the same.
sex and violence.
end of
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I am sorry to contradict you, but from the research I have done on this subject men have not actually had the upper hand historically. There are paintings and etchings that go way back showing men being beaten and also court reports - one of which states that a man had to be jailed for his own safety from his wife.
The enemy here is abuse itself - not the gender of the abuser. Until this is realised we will still be caught in this trap of blaming and hating a specific gender which detracts from the good work that can and must be done.
1 in four women are currently being abused given the figures - one in six men also - this means one in five people are victims of abuse - and that is only the reported figures, the true figure is much higher. It is this that we need to look at and stop the blame game - this helps no one.
I wish you a safe and peaceful healing. Viv
i can't really believe it even though i have these days =/
i'm suspect of any guy...not just here.
For me, it's wrong to hate guys,...and i usually snap out of it after a lil while. but i do have reasons to be careful. I've run into a few on here who i believe are genuine. I hope you find some too.
something that helped me was this song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlyylf0enEc
i've seen goodmen... seriously
they're out there. not tryin to disagree,...just trying to offer some hope.
I am now in a relationship (five years now) to a wonderful man who has never yelled at me, never been abusive in any way, and always respects me even when he does not agree with me. Don't lose faith they are out there.
All I know is that the need to be rescued from abuse puts you in a position to be abused again, because, like you said, an abuser can easily mask himself as a rescuer. The only way to around that is to heal enough on your own that you are comfortable either in a relationship or not. The need for mutual companionship has to outweigh the need for compansionship, so in order for you to maintain any sort of control in the relationship, you have to be ready and able to leave it. You have to trust yourself as much as you trust anyone else in being able to guide the relationship towards your need rather than it being all about his.
Spend time now alone and unattached and become confident and comfortable with that. Find friends to fill the void of companionship and seek therapy to deal with your anger and resentment. In time you will discover people who have good solid relationships and then study those values and characteristics. I hope and pray that you can find someone to ease those fears you have about all men.
One note on history - yes, men have historically had the upper hand. Since the time of Christ (and even before) women were seen as property, not companions. Women were left to tend to the house and have children in order to fulfill their purpose on earth. It wasn't until the 1900's that women have reached any equal status to men. Thousands of years of patriarchy is not going to change over night. It wasn't until the 1920s that beating a wife was considered illegal. At that time, being illegal, the only thing this did was give a woman grounds for divorce. Until the 1970's, the only grounds for divorce were battery and adultry. Domestic violence did not become a criminal offence until the 1970's with the civil rights and women's liberation movement. There are matriarchal cultures, where the eldest woman in the family is the "ruler" of the family, but those cultures are few, and many have come and gone throughout the ages. One of the more interesting cultures exists in Africa, where the family units are matriarchal (run by the women), but the political structure is patriarchal (run by men). Men have typically had the upper hand in ruling society because they could - they have the physical strength to fight the wars. They have used that strength to maintain control of societies, etc. Rules being generated by men were enacted to help keep them in control. It is a hard cycle to break, but in the past 50 years women have made strides that are light years ahead of where we were 100 years ago. 100 years ago women couldn't even vote.
"All I know is that the need to be rescued from abuse puts you in a position to be abused again, because, like you said, an abuser can easily mask himself as a rescuer."
i've been determined to stand on my own before getting involved again. you reinforced that idea for me. I thought i was prolly going overboard.