Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Okay since the recent phone conversation with my husband went dismally for me and left me feeling as though I really am the crazy one, I am wondering should I talk to him. How long do I not talk to him for? He calls twice a week to talk to the kids and me so he says. Today, my eldest son answered and when the last of my sons got a chance to speak with him and said good-bye, I hung up the phone without a word. I was told by my therapist where i moved from that I should do what I want to do. If I do not want to speak with him, that I can just let him speak with the kids. I know one day I will have to decide what I want to do about the marriage. My therapist here told me that what is most important is to keep my self respect and for the moment to get through the holidays. Our ten year anniversary is Monday and she told me that my homework for this week was to do anything to keep busy that day. I was to distract myself. Frankly I am hoping that my husband does not call on our anniversary. I really do not wish to talk with him right now. I do not feel strong enough to since he manages to manipulate the conversation and he hurt me very much the last time we spoke. What do you guys think?
--Sara
--Sara
-
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
-
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
it's something i'm learning,...and omgs have i been right! it still surprises me every time though...
if you don't want to talk to him, don't. Or if you feel like it's not the healthy thing to do. You don't owe him a thing, anniversary or not.
i've been screening my calls for the last two yrs! lol
my mentally abusive ex fiance will not stop getting in touch with me...it's so hard not to pick up =/ [or mgs back] but i've learned he will say some nice/healthy things and then try and manipulate me and say hurtful things in the next breath.
even when it's grounded in some sort of rational reason for the call, i know if it's important enough he can always leave a message. and frankly at this point, there's not a lot of excuses left for him to contact me.
you can even turn the volume down on your machine...so you don't get tempted on the day.
i'm rooting for you too! *hugz*
--Sara
I agree with your therapist - stay busy on your anniversary and keep your mind occupied enough that you don't get the blues. If he calls, let your kids answer or let the answering machine pick up. Screening your calls - caller id - is a wonderful thing. If he tells the kids that he wants to talk with you, don't put them in the middle. Take the phone, simply say "I can't talk right now" and before he can say anything, hang up.
Setting boundaries is as simple and as hard as talking to him on YOUR terms and when YOU want to. If he is threatening you, see a lawyer for a restraining order. If you haven't engaged a lawyer yet, starting that process would be a good thing to do. Divorce lawyers typically give you the first hour free, which gives you a chance to "interview" them up front. This also gives you a resource already in hand if things turn ugly and you find yourself needing a lawyer fast.