I was out and went into the book store and i started reading some books on this emotional abuse verbal.Well i just kinda settled things with my husband .By that i mean at least we weren't fighting anymore or it was not too bad.I was depressed and i just went in there looked around but couldn't bring myself to keep reading.I thought well if i do he will see it notice.He does and im trying so i shouldn't then its like ok i don't wanna go there.I see it and i know i guess i just didn't want to give up hope but i think it was gone.He always says i analyze it or think too much.He says alot.Thats the pattern he is like this for awhile comes back says alot it will be good then the its ok stage.Its just not doing it anymore,.I try to believe but its hard.I have so much going on.I want to run anyway but yet i feel trapped and i want to feel free.I wish i could believe him or that it would be good for more than a week.I wanted forever. its kinda weird i was depressed that day but yet i was feeling this calm.I felt like i could just relax somehow.Oddest thing and i just felt somewhere not good not too bad.I felt like it was this calm maybe because he stopped.I thought.
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