I have done it again. Tried to make things work - even though he and I have a protection order and restraining order - he was trying to work things out with me - oh how I wanted that. We got back together - and he was trying so hard. The fear in me just made me ill. The more time we spent together the sicker I became. Couldn't eat sleep was a problem - ended up in the hospital so confused. I've left home again - ran away on the first, new years day. Now I am in agony without him. I hurt him so badly. God what the hell am I doing. I want to die without him and yet ... what do I do? My life just seems to get more and more confusing - nightmare after nightmare. I hurt so badly.
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