This is a long story so bear with me but I need to get it off my chest. I feel soooo stupid for all of this. I got married at 18 to a guy I thought was sweet and sensitive. I was pregnant with our daughter and wanted a happy little family. Looking back I should have seen him starting to alienate me from my friends before we were ever married. The serious fighting started while I was still pregnant and I remember trying to leave barefoot in my PJs one night when I thought he was asleep and he ran me down in the yard and carried me back in, covering my mouth so I wouldn't wake my father up. Things just got worse after that, I couldn't go anywhere alone even the grocery store. He would physically restrain me to make me listen to him, tell me I was wrong or crazy and not let me go until I said I understood and agreed with him. He left bruises on my arms and ribs from grabbing me and holding me down but he had never hit me until my daughter was a year old. He was playing too rough with her and she fell face first on the floor and was bleeding from her mouth. I was holding her and trying to find where the blood was coming from and I was asking him what he did. He became enraged, screaming that he did nothing and hit me closed fist in the center of my back. Of course he appologized as usual and convinced me he didn't mean to. I remained a prisoner and tried to fix things by obeying his every command and trying my best to make him happy. By the time my daughter was two I realized things wouldn't get better and started planning to leave. He found this out and things got worse, in the middle of all of that I got pregnant with my second daughter. He was harder on me while I was pregnant for some reason and the first time anyone ever actually saw him put his hands on me I was 7 months pregnant and he grabbed me around my neck in front of several friends for disrespecting him. I held on for another 18 months before telling him I couldn't take any more. He cried swore he'd change and I said no it's over. We were separated for six months and he was suddenly a great daddy, he practically stalked me, called constanly and freaked out when he found out I was dating. He started begging for another chance making tons of promises about how things would be if I let him come back and I bought it. It took him about 4 months to screw up again and we split up for another six months. He did show me that he had grown up some, he managed to get his own place and take care of the kids without his moms help. He tried to just be my friend and things were going well. Then my car broke down and he offered to drive the kids to school and me to work each day. Then suddenly he got kicked out of his house and had no where to go, had to sleep on my sofa and worked his way back in. I regretted it from day one this time although he was pampering me and doing housework. Now I have realized that this is his new angle, he pampers me in order to gain some sense of control. He talked me into quitting my job and staying at home, he wont let me go out with friends, doesnt like me spending time with my brother. Just last night we had a fight because he wanted me to go to bed with him and I wasn't tired. I gave in and went to bed but he continued to rant at me as usual expecting me to agree with his point of view. I rolled over to the wall and wouldn't answer him, said I just wanted to go to sleep. He grabbed me rolled me over and got in my face. When I tried to push him away he held tighter and I was so scared. I didn't want to start a physical fight so I just refused to talk and went to sleep with him pinning me in the corner of my bed. I woke up so upset this morning. Its not the first time he's restrained me I guess this time just scared me and I can see him starting to escalate again. I don't know what to do. I don't want to take the kids away from him but he says he'll never let go of me again, he'll never go away. I know splitting up this time will be so much worse and I'm afraid I'll have to run away and hide somewhere. Please anyone feel free to respond I need advice!!
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??