Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
For the last two years, I have been doing phone sex as a job. I was forced to quit my job (that I loved and was so good for me even though it didn't pay enough) because my husband got another job that would require him to have our car all the time. In the month and a half I was unemployed, he constantly berated me for not working and when I found the phone sex thing, I thought it would be easy to work at home so I would be there when my kids get home from school. It was okay for about a month--and I mean just okay, I knew immediately that I felt uncomfortable with it--but after that, it started to be a constant source of problems. My husband and I would fight about how I didn't want to work. I would lie and say I did when I didn't. This has been going on for at least a year and a half now and it's the same. I hate doing this. I have to force myself to do it and I feel like I want to scream the whole time. When I started, I thought it was clear that it was a short term thing but it seems like everything he does is designed to make sure I stay where I am. He got a new truck and gave our car to his brother, so I still don't have a car of my own to go to work in. He constantly tells me I don't make enough money even though I am making more than I ever have before. He tells me I'm just lazy and don't want to work even though before this job, I used to pull 24 hr. shifts every other weekend in addition to the 40 regular hours. Now we are in a position where we are having to move and he wants to buy a house and I am terrified because I know it will just mean that I have to work more. I haven't participated in any discussion about it, can't feel excited, and won't go look when he wants me to because I know he thinks if I see something I want, it's going to make me want to work more. I basically have just stopped wanting anything because I either don't want to work or I feel that I don't deserve it because I don't work enough. He gets the kids all excited talking about them having their own rooms and stuff. He makes me feel so guilty for being selfish.
He doesn't understand how bad this job is. He thinks because in the past I put a funny spin on things, I don't hate it as much as I say. That's just my nature though, to try to make the best of something bad. I was molested as a child from the time I was five until ten or so and was raped at a party at seventeen by six guys. So I have major issues with sex anyway. My husband and I have no sex life left. Period. I just find the whole thing feels like work and if we do anything, it only happens because he makes me feel guilty. And now, I hate men. I feel dead inside. I just don't care about anything. I am a totally different person. I've been isolated so long, I isolate myself even when I don't have to. I'm ashamed.
As you can imagine, the stress of this has totally broken our relationship. We don't do anything together. We don't even talk unless he is interrogating me about how much money my check is going to be. I'm so sad.
If I quit, I have to leave because otherwise he will either make me leave or he'll make my life hell.
I know this situation is abusive but my question is, Is it a necessary sacrifice? Should I just suck it up and keep working? Lots of people hate their jobs and go to work everyday to support their families. Am I just making something out of nothing? I have no confidence in my judgment anymore.
He doesn't understand how bad this job is. He thinks because in the past I put a funny spin on things, I don't hate it as much as I say. That's just my nature though, to try to make the best of something bad. I was molested as a child from the time I was five until ten or so and was raped at a party at seventeen by six guys. So I have major issues with sex anyway. My husband and I have no sex life left. Period. I just find the whole thing feels like work and if we do anything, it only happens because he makes me feel guilty. And now, I hate men. I feel dead inside. I just don't care about anything. I am a totally different person. I've been isolated so long, I isolate myself even when I don't have to. I'm ashamed.
As you can imagine, the stress of this has totally broken our relationship. We don't do anything together. We don't even talk unless he is interrogating me about how much money my check is going to be. I'm so sad.
If I quit, I have to leave because otherwise he will either make me leave or he'll make my life hell.
I know this situation is abusive but my question is, Is it a necessary sacrifice? Should I just suck it up and keep working? Lots of people hate their jobs and go to work everyday to support their families. Am I just making something out of nothing? I have no confidence in my judgment anymore.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
You need to get out of the phone sex business. It isn't healthy for you at all right now and you have listed many reasons why it isn't so.
Your husband sounds like an abusive moron to be frank. Talk to your local woman's shelter for counselling, come here for support.
You need to take some action for yourself. This is killing your spirit.
I have read your letter and understand your problems, but the main sorce of many problems in any relationship is money.
I find your reasons for doing this phone sex job plain and simply excuses, it seems all you say is car car car.
I am epileptic and because of that can not drive but I have always worked there is buses and trains which people who have not got cars use.
I do not know what your previous job was that you say you had to give up because your husband took the car, maybe it was a driving job like a homehelp ect you dont say what your previous job was.
You say that in a month and half you was unemployed so you did not lose your job stright away which surjest to me you manage 6 weeks without a car.
If phone sex was the last job on earth I would not do it, I would not do it because I personly could not do it but that is my personal opinion.
In the first place your husband was going mad because you did not have a job fare enough we've all had kids and been short of money we've all stuggled with getting baby sitters or children looked after while at work, so you say phone sex was better so you could work from home.
Well yes it would be good for anyone with children to work from home, my husband worked shifts 6-2
2-10 10-6 on different days and because of money problems it was a strugle also as mentioned I was also having epileptic seisures.
There sounds if there is no love between you in the comments you made about about your husband so get out of a loveless marradge, you will cope and manage, somehow.
The fact that you say your husband got a truck and gave his brother the car so you do not have a car to go to work in and that keeps you in your phone sex job.
WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT THAT IS GET A LOCAL JOB IE BE A CLEANER SHOP ASS FACTORY WORK KITCHEN ASS CHILD MINDER.
Sorry if this is not a symphetic answer you was looking for but I felt annoyed by your letter making out you had no choice to take or stay in a job like that because your husband took the car and then gave it to his brother.
I presume that you can walk I presume you can get on a bus or train
WHAT DID THEY DO YEARS AGO WHEN NOT MANY PEOPLE HAD CARS? The fact that you had a car must have ment you could afford one in the first place but some lazy people put cars before food,
FINALLY YOU SAY YOU TOOK THE JOB AND DID NOT LIKE IT AFTER A MONTH BUT SAY YOU HAVE BEEN DOING IT 2 YEARS WELL I DO NOT BELIVE YOU COULD NOT HAVE FOUND SOMETHING ELSE IN 2 YEARS,as for your husband making you stay dont blame him you took the job you have stayed in it two years.
But I forgot you have not got a car what a shame.
You have no shame to do a job like that your excuses are a load of bull.
You dont say how old your children are but kids ask questions
Where does your mammy work ?
SHE DOES PHONE SEX BECAUSE DADDY TOOK THE CAR SHES BEEN AT HER JOB 2 YEARS, WELL YOUR KIDS HAVE A MOTHER TO BE PROUD OF.
2 YEARS IS A LONG TIME YOU CANT HATE IT THAT MUCH
By the way, if you read this, your response tells me a little about your personality and prejudices that you have. I didn't ask for sympathy, only advice so the moralistic reply is a little harsh. Yeah--I get it. You disapprove. So what? You don't know the whole situation so who are you to JUDGE?
Everyone else: Thanks.
you can only reply to a forum with the information you are given you did not say that you was 30 miles away from the city and 17 miles fron the kids school??????????????? you did not explain that then.
You say in your first letter that in a month and half your job was gone in the second letter you say you quit your job stright away WHICH IS IT?????????????
You never ask for sympathy as you said but I knew you would not like it what I posted but phone sex is the lowest of the low in my opinion and it is a veiw point forume.
If you felt it was harsh you should be prepared for peoples veiw points of dont post a forum in the first place.
As for your comment about my personallty and preducice it has nothing to do with it as I said you should read some of my surpotive forums for people with genuine problems. Your comment who am I to JUDGE when I dont know the full situation is again you answer a forum on the information you have also its my veiw points that a stright and true that is my personalty
I dont bull shit I speak what I say and there must have been something in two years then discusting phone sex. If you dont like it then I am sorry but you are discusting cant take the truth
You need to quit this job. You need to go into therapy for your molestation issues and rape and also marriage counselling.
Good luck.
Trivia, I am not expert but it sounds to me like this marriage isn't doing you any good. For the sake of yourself and your children I think you need to get yourself a plan to get out.
pinkflowe.... has said to trivia's reply. It is not a comments forum, it is a support forum. People go here for the support, not an abuse or a judgments or to hear that they are telling bull shit. We get enough of it from our abusers. If you don't like what trivia wrote don't comment at all. But why bring abuse to where people seek help from?
For lack of a better way of saying it, JUST DO IT. You'd be amazed at the strength and hope that comes with that first step away from your abuser.
If it is possible maybe after the kids have gone to bed and try to suck up enough courage to have a talk with him. You need to find out if there is anything else left there or if it is just about his desire for a house or better looking life. You shouldn't be a target of this as husband and wife you should be a team working towards the same goals. If it is fixable try to seek some form of help wether it be a minister (no I am not religious but some of them do help in these areas) or a marriage counselor. If he won't do that or if you see there is nothing left in your relationship then you should probably leave.
Good luck and I do hope you can work it out as getting divorced with children is a pain emotionally and it is costly.
The reason my comments are so strong and abusive if thats what people think well let me discribe WHY???
As a child I was sexually abused, abuse by my ex husband and raped as a adult in the street, and its difficult and I lost all confidence and I have stufferd for years and still am as many people have on this site, the sexual abuse I have suffered has ruined my life, in other works taken my life.
Phone sex gets people aroused and sometimes contributes to people been sexually abuse or rape its not always the case but one rape or sexual abuse that has triggered by phone sex is one to many.
I do not know if some of these replys who feel that I have been wrong with my replys have children Triva has, because she has mentioned them I do not know the sex of the children
HOW WOULD ANYONE FEEL IF THERE OWN CHILDREN OR WIFE MOTHER SISTER FRIEND WAS RAPED OR SEXUALLY ABUSED AND IT TURNED OUT THAT THE RAPIST HAD PHONESEX GOT AROUSED AND THEN LOOKED FOR A VICTIM MAYBE YOUR CHILD OR WIFE.
UNLESS YOU HAVE SUFFERED YOU DONT ALWAYS UNDERSTAND, AND BUBBLE AS FOR DEFENDING HER NEVER EVER, IT MAKES ME SICK TO EVEN THINK OF IT
PERSONLY I WILL STICK MY NECK OUT AND SAY HOW CAN YOU LIVE IN A PLACE WITH KIDS NO CAR NO TAXIS NO TRAIN AND NOTHING AND BE 17 MILES FROM A SCHOOL AND 30 FROM THE NEAREST TOWN, if husband has the car how do you get kids to school.
I dont care what people think about my comment I may seem very harsh and maybe nasty but I have suffered so much sex abuse in my life and anything that has a posibily or been related to that I am entitled to comment on.
See the thing about this site is to post a forum and get some views hopfully help and surport, any posting of any thing on this site have always been surportive and I have had alot of thank you's and private messages appreciating my veiws THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE POSTED A NEGITIVE POSTING LIKE THIS.
I can call the rapist and sex offenders they are ........ but it does not help when they arroused by phone sex, I feel that I am been ACCUSED UNFAIRLY of been harsh to Trivia.
Well would Trivia feel guilty is there was a rape in the street and the person who did the rape said or just before I raped her I was on the phone having phone sex and I felt I had to do it.
Anyone who feels stongly on this I would like your veiws as I am been portaid as nasty and harsh.
I am repeating this comment again how would you feel if you child wife mother sister friend was sexually abuse and when ask why he did it said OH I HAD PHONE SEX AND I NEEDED TO SATIFY MYSELF.
SICK SICK SICK AND PHONE SEX IS SICK
There is no appoligies from me, everyone is entitiled to a opinion and mine is very stong.
So Bubbles get me chucked off the site.
I am sorry for your pain but you won't getting any relief by blaming other victims. Do you really think that having phone sex is an excuse for rape? Think about it. Rape is an act of violence. The perpetrator is to blame. No excuses.