When I left, I thought I could say goodbye to abuse, I had put an intervention order in, applyed for supervised access and felt at peace that I had finally done something to protect the children and I. What helped end it was hearing screams from my eldest and the same angry growl he used with me when he got violent. I rushed into the room to find him step away and then when I asked what had gone on, my eldest informed me that he had threw her across the room. She was in tears. There were no bruises but I had asked him what happened and he denied it at first. When I said, "But you do the same thing to me and they have both said this before", he admitted it. We made a contract instead of calling child protection and he promised that on the next business day it would become legal. When I asked him about it, he became angry. Months went by when I felt a sense of hopelessness after waking up every morning to his swear words and put downs. I kept in touch with someone who will share the deadly secret and help me find the strength to get out. He became more than a friend and helped move him on. It was peaceful as he would not dare do it in front of other people that would become a witness later on. Occasionally his language and put downs would burst at the seams, exposing the wolf in sheeps clothing. My new lover gave me the strength to carry on, but he had to go home and promised to come back on a permanent basis. When he went away, the wolf came back to prey. He held me against the door, muttering words too hard to repeat. I finally called the police and they told me that he admitted that he had assualted me. The police stated that it did not warrant an intervention order as it was not horrific enough. Six months later I was told that there was no proceedings as there was not enough evidence. The father wrote an affidavit trying to state that he was the primary care giver and that I had stopped him from obtaining access. I was legally advised that I could only respond to it and they told me not to put in the stuff about the abuse. Reluctantly I responded to unimportant facts and fiction, wondering how this would go. On one hand it was a holiday from dealing with what happened, and on the other hand it would eat away at me - Why didn't I do this - Why didn't I do that? I had two days to respond and my husbands affidavit was rejected by my lawyers along with what my old next door neighbour had heard. Then I was told that I would not have the opportunity to be heard and it would be decided purely on what the statements have. The court date was a month later. I focused on the fact that this is in the childrens best interests and the judge will see the truth. My new lawyer pressured me to negotiate supervised access as the contact centre was not available. He told me that the access time is not enough to meet the new, "Shared responsibility" legislation and contact centres could not provide adequate time. I phoned the only people I knew who could deal with this. They were my friends daughter and her husband. They had been fostering for years and dealt with a lot of this stuff before. They knew what to do if he were abused. So I asked them and asked if they could do it every second weekend. His lawyer disagreed and said that it needs to be every weekend. I said that no one could ask that of a friend esspecially on a long term basis. Finally it was agreed that he will accept supervised access. Then my lawyer said that we have to take this to court. I was met by the judge who had reviewed the affidavits and asked the lawyer why supervised access. His lawyer responded that this was because he wanted to see his son. Then the judge granted unsupervised access for two days in a week. I was devastated. The first access visit was fine, he returned exhuasted and cryed that daddy had given him a toy and taken it away from him. That was sad but I said that he will see it next time. The next one occurred, he was not there. My husband tryed to phone him but he wasn't there. Later I recieved a message from him and returned his call. I found out that the order was ten and not 9am, but it still did not explain the fifteen minutes we had whilst our child finished his food at the cafe. I offered to make up the day the following day - Mothers Day. When he returned, I asked questions about his play and if there were pets around as we are trying to teach him to be nice to pets. It was after he left we found out what had happened. our child presented with wounds on his cheek stating that daddy did it again and again, I was not naughty. I took him to the hospital and he said it to the nurse and the doctor. He said it to my new husband too. It was devastating and horrible. They wrote an impartial report and I phoned my lawyer. I said that I could not take him to access, this is as much evidence that I could bear him to take. The lawyer told me that I was contravening the orders and that I may face losing him altogether as a punishment. A day later I recieved the order made by the previous court time and penalties, the severest being imprisonment. The lawyer said that because of the hostility, that it would be the severest. He sent a letter offering supervised access and no word was recieved and my friends did not have him suddenly arrive. I tryed to contact the lawyer worried to the point of being awake every night, trying to think of the benefits of prison and attracting every cold, virus and migraine that I could have. I did not hear from him for a week before the hearing, I found out what could be done. I requested that I could write everything that I could remember exactly happening matching dates and then put it all in an affidavit. I then provided meanial evidence I had - a sorry I pushed you card, a photograph of the hand written contract that he wrote and a letter confirming his anger management. My lawyer said that this was not enough and finally put the affidavit together. At the trial the lawyer tryed to negotiate with the independant childrens lawyer who agreed to one week supervised access and alternatively unsupervised. Then he asked me if AI knew about the order for residency(custody) of both of the children - one of them not being his). I took a moment and said that I thought he would do it but I didn't think he would now. The terms were horrible and I couldn't read it. The judge accepted child protection to be involved but did not grant supervised access. Bottom line - abuse must be so horrific and evidential that the court would grant supervised access. My conclusion is that he is doing this to his son to hurt me because he cant do that to me anymore. Punishment for breaching the order was severe as I know that he will do it again and now it is a matter of when and my only hope is that it does not go to his worst(hands around throat).
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