now, i know i am going to piss a few people off with this post... but i am not making any apologies for this one.
Well, Kristina... i have been trying to htink of the nicest possible way to say this, and have been coming up with nothn, so here goes.
You sound like you are full if poop (edited for content).
The only reason to post this before you have been seeing true results is that you are trying to convince yourself(through other people) that you are a good person.
And to me... your post is very, VERY conceited. you keep on talking on how,I AM now doing this, and I AM now doing that.
You want to know how to be a good person? Make it not about you, but about those you interact with.
If you hurt someone else, don't get on a pity pot, just change your actions so you don't do that thing again!
Too many people here have heard their partners, or parents, or friends xsay the exact same things you are saying, just to have those people turn back into the abuser again.
Give results.
end

there was really no need for you to post that comment, jimmy, the girl is trying to be a better person, no need to knock her down as she makes a positive promise to herself... it's not your place. Let her live, let her learn, let her grow...

Jimmy- your posts are continuously getting more negative.

To be the best person? We must first take care of ourselves- otherwise? We'll get sick of taking care of others, and it will fall back on us.

This site is for support- not your b.s. ramblings on how everyone but you is wrong.

Stop this crap and start being emotionally sensitive.

I think you're taking a good, positive step in admitting you've been verbally abusive. I've been on the receiving end of verbal abuse and it always seemed that the abuser really thought it was ok to talk to someone that way. Even though they knew it was hurtful and wrong, there was always an excuse for their actions.
You have my support because you are aware now of what your actions do to others and I hope and pray you continue to grow and are able to live up to your promise to yourself.
Peace....

whyimlikethis... i read your email last night... and i decided to look at my posts, see if what you are saying is correct, if, over time i have been becoming more negative... Because i thought that i wasn't.
Well... i have looked 'em over, and some of my posts are negative... but usually when it comes to calling someone out... and i only do that when it appears that there is manipulation going on... that is something that i really don't like... because manipulation is just a very bad thing altogether. It robs a person of free will.
Now, as for the reason i went off on this post was because i have heard these very statements before. Hell, when i was drinking, i said some of them before as well.
And when i said them, i was lying to myself, and/or to others. The other people were doing the same too.
Most of the time, within a matter of months, if the person did not go through a spiritual awakening(not religious, 2 completely different things)... then that person inebidably went back into the same behavior patterns.
This is the reason why, some abusive people that were drunks, and get sober... they fully expect to stop hitting their loved ones... but they don't have that spiritual awakening/enlightenment that is necessary... they find themselves doing it... again.

Now... where did you get the idea that i think i am the only one that's ever right?
i can tell you that no, i don't think that... ever. i know that i only have a very small percentage of information that is available. I just work with what i have, and when i am wrong(which is often), i learn from my mistake, make amends where i need to, and move on with that new knowledge... so, i want to know, where was i wrong in calling for action, not words?

I have avoided this thread like the plague for a multitude of reasons, but this is getting out of hand. Attacking each other does none of us any good at all. Can we please stop this NOW?

First, Kristine, you had to expect at least a little of what has been said to you. Think of it in terms of someone who has an extramarital affair and then goes to the Infidelity community looking for support because "now I've changed" from people who have been on the receiving end. Just how much support do you think this person would get? You might get a few well wishers, but mostly you'd get attacked. Same here. The vast majority of the people on this board have been the victims of abuse just like what you openly and honestly admit that you hurled.

Kristine, your posts up to this time have been copy and paste versions of Joyce Meyers books. Now she writes decent books, but that doesn't mean you have absorbed it. It just means that you can listen to it. I didn't say hear it, i said listen to it. The difference there is the understanding implicit in the "hearing". You have not spoken of any counseling you have received. Are you receiving any counseling at all? Please understand that we are all very well aware of the national statistic that states the less then 3% of abusers ever change. That change only comes with extensive counseling and therapy. If you've found religion and are attempting to staunch the flow of the vitriol coming out of your mouth on your own through prayer, please be aware that you are more than likely going to fail. You need help and you need it now.

OK, heres the big issue i have with this post. There are 3 items here that deserve attention. These 3 items are what I see as the seeds of your denial.

1. "...hereby promise to treat everybody with respect even people who I don't feel deserve it because it is not my place to judge them." Here you are already judging them. You are ALREADY saying that they don't deserve respect. You should have ended that sentence with the promise, not the modifier. If you had done that I would have believed you, but you didn't.

2. "...have been a decent person.." Well, Kristine, no you haven't been a decent person. You have been abusive. That's not decent. You are already in denial about your past behavior and this doesn't speak well for the success of this endevour.

3. "This is my promise to myself." Great. Just what are you promising everyone else? This is the single most conceited thing in this post. That you are doing all this for you, not for the folks around you or the world at large.

I hope you find the help you need, but you do need to look for it in professional help.

Well, regardless of what others are saying... I think it is GREAT! :) I didn't see it as arrogant, and even if it was... who cares? You're doing something to make yourself and others happy!

*cowers in a corner* please don't start attacking me next!

Jondy, honey, no one here is mad. We have all just heard it before. I'm sure you've heard it too. MY ex would promise and swear and lay his hands on stacks of bibles to try and make me believe that he would change. He never did. That doesn't mean that Kristine won't or can't. Just that the vast majority of us have heard this before. In fact FREQUENTLY before. My ex would black out in the late evening (he was an alcoholic) so he never remembered what he did to me. Now in the morning there i was all beat to hell and he couldn't deny it. So he would cry and beg and pray and plead. Swore up one side and down the other that it would never happen again. That God would show him the way, that he would exercise more self-control. Honey, it never changed. Not once did anything he said make it through the evening.

You see, during the begging part everything that upset him was still my fault. That is why the phrase "even people who don't deserve respect" and "I have been a decent person" hit home with me. There is no acceptance that what preceeded this newfound religious fervor was wrong. None. And the only promise made here was too herself. Not the the ones she has abused. Just to herself.

It terrified me to post on this thread because it was just like looking at my ex again. Feeling his hatred wash over me as he cried and promised to never hit me again "even if I deserved it." There is no remorse here. None.

I respectfully disagree. Even if she did copy and paste from a Joyce Meyer's book... then maybe it's helping. I sometimes feel like posting lyrics for how I'm feeliing.

I'm a newbie and probably missing the point-- but... Who are we to decide what words are genuine and what words aren't coming from SOMEONE ELSES' mouth, or fingers?

I've written many external journal entires and later looked back and giggled at my pride or what I thought at the time.

This is life. This person obviously has problems, and came on here for support. I don't condone any actions or hurt this person may have caused- but I do think to take the time and really try to struggle- whether it's genuine or not.. isn't my place.

And Jimmy? I also genuinely am happy that you looked at the post, and took it seriously. I may not always be right, (white flag! white flag!) But I care about you, and hate to see you being negative.

K.

PS:
A person can be.. 'decent' and still abuse. (I heartfully believe this.) I once slapped my ex who abused me in retaliation. I was abusive in return to his abuse- (What a stupid thing to do!)
We make crappy decisions, but those decisions do not encompass everything we are.

If I was all my mistakes? I should be dead by now.

No one is all good, or all bad. No one is indecent. People make really awful choices. A decent person starts to realize those choices.

First thanks everbody...

Jimmy it does not take a rocket scientist to see that you are a miserable person and as we all know misery loves compay I can respect the fact that you dont agree with my words and now I hope you respect mine. You may think I am concieted but this is a place where you need to point out your flaws I am sorry that you are miserable but you will not be bringing me down. If you dont like the things that you see move on. Dont try to bring oters down with our crap. Stop being so negative. Dont bring your negativity to other peoples post.

I have posted some of Joyce Meyers out of request for others. It was not ment for discussion Some people and I were talking through e-mail. Also I dont talk as much in this group as I do in others. I am working on my change and have been doing very well so far regardless of what you might think of me. You dont know me so you dont know my actions, you only know my words. These are posts nothing to cry about so calm down and get over yourselves. If you dont like what I write don't bother reading it. If you do I think you for your support and time. This is not ment for arguments. I did not join for the drama.

And this is what you call respecting people even if you don't think they deserve it? Calling someone a miserable person who is dishing out "crap"?

Whyimlikethis...we don't agree, but that's ok. A clearly stated opinion like yours is always good to read and food for thought. Thank you for that.

That is fine you have your opinion I have mine. Youand Jimmy have a lot in common with you. Your both negative in other peoples post.